Book Summary Of Healing Your Emotional Self

Book Summary Of Healing Your Emotional Self

Book Summary Of Healing Your Emotional Self. Our Parents as Mirrors. Perfectionism is self-abuse of the highest order. —ANN WILSON SCHARF.  I avoid looking in the mirror as much as I possibly can. When I do look, all I see are my imperfections—my long nose, my crooked teeth, my small breasts. Other people tell me I’m attractive, but I just don’t see it. —Kristin, age twenty-six 

Healing your emotional self summary

I’m what you would call a perfectionist, especially when it comes to my work. It takes me twice as long as it does other people to get something done because I have to go over it a dozen times to make sure I haven’t made any mistakes. My boss complains about my being so slow, but I’d rather have him complain about that than have him find a mistake. That would devastate me. —Elliot, age thirty-one 

There’s a voice inside my head that constantly chastises me with “Why did you do that?” “Why did you say that?” The criticism is relentless. Nothing I ever do is right. I’m never good enough. Sometimes I just feel like screaming—Shut up! Leave me alone! —Teresa, age forty-three 

I don’t know what it will take for me to finally feel good about myself. I keep thinking I need to do more, achieve more, be a better person, and then I’ll like myself. Other people are impressed with how much I’ve achieved in my life, but it doesn’t seem to matter how much I do; I’m never good enough for myself. —Charles, age fifty-five 

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DO YOU RELATE TO ANY of these people? 

  • Do you have a difficult time looking in the mirror because you never like what you see? 
  • Do you find that you are never pleased with yourself, no matter how much effort you put into making yourself a better person, no matter how much work you do on your body? 
  • Do you constantly find fault in yourself? 

Are you a perfectionist? 

  • Are you plagued by an inner critic who constantly berates you or finds something wrong with everything you do? Or are you like Charles, who believes that the way to feel good about yourself is through your accomplishments—yet no matter how much you accomplish it is never enough? 
  • Many of us focus a great deal of time and attention on improving our bodies and making ourselves more attractive.
  • Yet, despite all the time and money spent on dieting, exercise, clothes, and cosmetic surgery, many still do not like who they see in the mirror. 
  • There is always something that needs to be changed or improved. People who are critical of how they look are usually critical of other aspects of themselves as well. 
  • They tend to focus on their flaws rather than their assets, and they are seldom pleased with their performance—whether at work, at school, or in a relationship. 
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They chastise themselves mercilessly when they make a mistake. 

  • There is nothing wrong with wanting to improve yourself; everyone suffers from time to time from self-critical thoughts. But some people have such low self-esteem that they are never satisfied with their achievements, their physical appearance, or their performance. 
  • They have a relentless inner critic who constantly tears them down and robs them of any satisfaction they might temporarily feel when they have reached a goal. 

The following questionnaire will help you determine whether you are suffering from low self-esteem and an unhealthy inner critic. 

  • 1. Do you suffer from insecurity or a lack of confidence? 
  • 2. Do you focus more on what you do wrong or what you fail at than what you do right or well? 
  • 3. Do you feel less than or not as good as other people because you are not perfect in what you do or how you look? 
  • 4. Do you believe you need to do more, be more, or give more in order to earn the respect and love of other people? 
  • 5. Are you aware of having a critical inner voice that frequently tells you that you did something wrong? 
  • 6. Are you constantly critical of your performance—at work, at school, or in sports? 
  • 7. Are you critical of the way you interact with others? For example, do you frequently kick yourself for saying the wrong thing or for behaving in certain ways around others? 
  • 8. Do you feel like a failure—in life, in your career, in your relationships? 
  • 9. Are you a perfectionist? 
  • 10. Do you feel like you do not deserve good things? Do you become anxious when you are successful or happy? 
  • 11. Are you afraid that if people knew the real you, they wouldn’t like you? Are you afraid people will find out you are a fraud? 
  • 12. Are you frequently overwhelmed with shame and embarrassment because you feel exposed, made fun of, or ridiculed? 
  • 13. Do you constantly compare yourself to others and come up short? 
  • 14. Do you avoid looking in the mirror as much as possible, or do you tend to look in the mirror a lot to make sure you look okay? 
  • 15. Are you usually critical of what you see when you look in the mirror? Are you seldom, if ever, satisfied with the way you look? 
  • 16. Are you self-conscious or embarrassed about the way you look? 
  • 17. Do you have an eating disorder—compulsive overeating, bingeing and purging, frequent dieting or starvation, or anorexia? 
  • 18. Do you need to drink alcohol or take other substances to feel comfortable or less self-conscious in social situations? 
  • 19. Do you fail to take very good care of yourself through poor diet, not enough sleep, or too little or too much exercise? 
  • 20. Do you tend to be self-destructive by smoking, abusing alcohol or drugs, or speeding? 
  • 21. Have you ever deliberately hurt yourself, that is, cut yourself? 
  • If you answered yes to more than five of these questions, you need the special help this book provides to raise your self-esteem, quiet your inner critic, heal your shame, and begin to find real joy and satisfaction in your achievements and accomplishments.
  • Even if you only answered yes to one of these questions, this book can help you because it isn’t natural or healthy to experience any of those feelings. 
  • You were born with an inherent sense of goodness, strength, and wisdom that you should be able to call upon in moments of self-doubt. Unfortunately, you may have lost touch with this inner sense because of the way you were raised and the messages you received to the contrary. 
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Self-Esteem

  •  Defined Let’s start by defining self-esteem and differentiating it from self-image and self-concept. Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself as a person—your overall judgment of yourself. 
  • Your self-esteem may be high or low, depending on how much you like or approve of yourself. If you have high self-esteem, you have an appreciation of the full extent of your personality. 
  • This means that you accept yourself for who you are, with both your good qualities and your so-called bad ones. It can be assumed that you have self-respect, self-love, and feelings of self-worth. You don’t need to impress others because you already know you have value. 

If you are unsure whether you have high self-esteem, ask yourself: 

  • “Do I believe that I am lovable?”
  •  “Do I believe I am worthwhile?”
  •  Our feelings of self-worth form the core of our personality. Nothing is as important to our psychological well-being. 

The level of our self-esteem affects virtually every aspect of our lives. 

  • It affects how we perceive ourselves and how others perceive us, and how they subsequently treat us. 
  • It affects our choices in life, from our careers to whom we befriend or get involved romantically. 
  • It influences how we get along with others and how productive we are, as well as how much use we make of our aptitudes and abilities. 
  • It affects our ability to take action when things need to be changed and our ability to be creative. 
  • It affects our stability, and it even affects whether we tend to be followers or leaders.
  • It only stands to reason that the level of our self-esteem, and the way we feel about ourselves in general, would also affect our ability to form intimate relationships. 

Many people use the words self-esteem and self-concept interchangeably, but these terms have different meanings. 

  • Our self-concept, or self-image, is the set of beliefs or images we have about ourselves. 
  • Our self-esteem is the measure of how much we like and approve of our self-concept. 
  • Another way of thinking about it is that self-esteem is how much respect you have for yourself, while self-image is how you see yourself.
  • Still another way of differentiating between self-esteem and self-image is to think of self-esteem as something you give to yourself (that’s why it is called self-esteem) and self-image is usually based on how you imagine others perceive you. 
  • Our self-image is made up of a wide variety of images and beliefs.
  • Some of these are self-evident and easily verifiable (for example, “I am a woman,” “I am a therapist”). But there are also other, less tangible aspects of the self (for example, “I am intelligent,” “I am competent”).

Many of the ideas we have about ourselves were acquired in childhood from two sources: how others treated us and what others told us about ourselves.

  • How others defined us has thus become how we now perceive ourselves.
  • Your self-image—who you think you are—is a package that you have put together from how others have seen and treated you, and from the conclusions, you drew in comparing yourself to others. 
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The Real Cause of Your Low Self-Esteem or Negative Self-Image 

  • The primary cause of your low self-esteem or negative self-image probably goes back to your childhood.
  • No matter what has happened to you in your life, your parents (or the people who raised you) have the most significant influence on how you feel about yourself. 

Negative parental behavior and messages can have a profound effect on our self-image and self-esteem. 

  • This is especially true of survivors of emotional abuse, neglect, or smothering as a child. Inadequate, unhealthy parenting can affect the formation of a child’s identity, self-concept, and level of self-esteem. 
  • Research clearly shows that the single most important factor in determining the amount of self-esteem a child starts with is his or her parents’ style of child-rearing during the first three or four years of the child’s life. 
  • When parents are loving, encouraging, and fair-minded, and provide proper discipline and set appropriate limits, the children they shape end up being self-confident, self-monitoring, and self-actualized. 
  • But when parents are neglectful, critical, and unfair, and provide harsh discipline and inappropriate limits, the children they shape are insecure and self-critical, and they suffer from low self-esteem. 
  • When I first met Matthew I was struck by his dark good looks. He resembled a younger, taller, more exotic-looking Tom Cruise, with his chiseled features, his large, dark, almond-shaped eyes, and his straight dark hair. Because he was so strikingly good-looking I expected him to speak to me with confidence, but instead, he spoke in a reticent, almost apologetic way.
  • As he explained to me why he had come to therapy, I discovered that he felt extremely insecure. Although he was an intelligent, talented, attractive young man, he was tormented with self-doubt and was extremely critical of himself. 
  • Why would a young man with so much going for him feel so badly about himself? 

As Matthew told me the story of his life,

  • I discovered his father was never pleased with him. No matter what Matthew did, it was never enough. He told me about a time when he got on the honor roll in school and was excited to tell his father about it.
  • Instead of congratulating Matthew and being proud of him, his father told him that since the school was so easy for him he needed to get a job after school. So Matthew did as his father suggested. But this didn’t seem to please him, either.
  • Instead, his father complained that he wasn’t helping out enough with yard work and that he needed to quit his job.
  •  “You’re just working so you can make money to waste on girls,” his father criticized, somehow not remembering that he had been the one to pressure Matthew into getting a job in the first place.

Matthew had an interest in music and was a very talented piano player.

  • But his father wasn’t happy about his taking lessons. “You’re already too effeminate,” he scoffed. “Why don’t you go out for sports as I did in school?”
  •  When Matthew followed his father’s advice and tried out for the track team, his father complained, “It just doesn’t have the same prestige as playing football or basketball. Why don’t you try out for one of those teams?”
  • Because his father was never proud of him and never acknowledged his accomplishments, Matthew became very hard on himself. He became very self-critical; no matter what he accomplished he found something wrong with it. If someone did try to compliment him, he pushed their praise away with statements such as “Oh, anyone could have done that,” or “Yeah, but you should have seen how I messed up yesterday.”
  • By not acknowledging Matthew and by never being pleased, Matthew’s father had caused him to be self-conscious and fearful. 

Many parents undermine their children’s self-esteem and create in them a sort of “self anxiety” by treating them in any or all of the following ways:

  • with a lack of warmth and affection, acknowledgment, respect, or admiration, as well as with unreasonable expectations, domination, indifference, belittling, isolation, or unfair or unequal treatment.

Healing your inner child

“Inner Critic” 

  • Defined Having a strong inner critic is another factor in creating low self-esteem, and it usually goes hand in hand with low self-esteem. 
  • Your inner critic is formed through the normal socialization process that every child experiences. Parents teach their children which behaviors are acceptable and which are unacceptable, dangerous, or morally wrong. 
  • Most parents do this by praising the former and discouraging the latter.
  • Children know (either consciously or unconsciously) that their parents are the source of all physical and emotional nourishment, so parental approval feels like a matter of life or death to them. 
  • Therefore, when they are scolded or spanked they feel the withdrawal of parental approval very acutely because it carries with it the horrible risk of losing all support.
  • All children retain conscious and unconscious memories of those times when they felt wrong or bad because of the loss of their parent’s approval. 
  • This is where the inner critic gets his start. (I use “he” when referring to the inner critic because many people, including women, think of their inner critic as being male. Feel free to substitute “she” if it feels more appropriate for you.) 
  • Even as an adult there is still a part of you that believes you are “bad” whenever someone gets angry with you or when you make a mistake. 
  • Your inner critic’s voice is the voice of a disapproving parent—the punishing, forbidding voice that shaped your behavior as a child. If your early experiences were mild and appropriate, your adult critic may only rarely attack, but if you were given very strong messages about your “badness” or “wrongness” as a child, your adult critic will attack you frequently and fiercely. 

Emotional Abuse and Neglect Defined

  •  Abuse is a very emotionally powerful word. It usually implies intent or even malice on the part of the abuser. But parents who emotionally abuse or neglect their children seldom do so intentionally. 
  • Most are simply repeating the way they were treated as a child—doing to their children what was done to them. Many do not realize that the way they are treating their children is harmful to them; few do so out of malice—an intentional desire to hurt their children. Low self-esteem is not usually instilled in children through conscious or deliberate efforts on the part of the parents. 
  • Typically, parents of children with low self-esteem had low self-esteem themselves. And those parents who emotionally abuse, neglect, or smother their children usually do not recognize the tremendous power they have in shaping their children’s sense of self. We need to be very specific when we use the words emotional abuse. 

Emotional abuse of a child is a pattern of behavior—meaning that it occurs continuously, over time. 

  • Occasional negative attitudes or actions are not considered emotional abuse. Even the best of parents have occasions when they have momentarily lost control and said hurtful things to their children, failed to give them the attention they wanted, or unintentionally scared them by their actions. 
  • Every parent undoubtedly treats their children in some of these ways from time to time, but emotionally abusive parents regularly treat their children in some or all of these ways. 
  • Emotional abuse of a child is a pattern of behavior that attacks a child’s emotional development and sense of self-worth. Because emotional abuse affects a child’s sense of self, the victim comes to view himself or herself as unworthy of love and affection. 
  • Emotional abuse includes both acts and omissions by parents or caretakers, and it can cause serious behavioral, cognitive, emotional, or mental disorders in a child. 

This form of maltreatment includes: 

  • Verbal abuse (including constant criticism, ridiculing, blaming, belittling, insulting, rejecting, and inappropriate teasing) 
  • Placing excessive or unreasonable demands on a child that is beyond his or her capabilities 
  • Being overly controlling 
  • Emotionally smothering a child (including being overprotective or unwilling to allow the child to create a separate life from her parents) 
  • Rejecting or emotionally abandoning a child (including being cold and unresponsive and withholding love)
  • Neglect is an even more misunderstood word and can manifest itself physically and emotionally. 
  • Physical neglect includes failure on the part of a parent or primary caregiver to provide for the child’s basic physical needs (food, water, shelter, attention to hygiene) as well as his or her emotional, social, environmental, and medical needs. It also includes failure to provide adequate supervision. 
  • Emotional neglect includes failure to provide the nurturing and positive support necessary for a child’s emotional and psychological growth and development—providing little or no love, support, or guidance. 
  • This includes inattention to a child’s needs for acknowledgment, affection, and emotional support (being uninterested in a child’s feelings, activities, and problems). 
  • The following questionnaire will further help you to understand emotional abuse and neglect and to determine whether you experienced them as a child. 

Questionnaire: Were You Emotionally Abused, Neglected, or Smothered as a Child? 

  • 1. Was one or both of your parents overly critical of you? 
  • Were you frequently criticized for saying the wrong things or behaving in the wrong way? 
  • Did one or both of your parents often criticize the way you looked? 
  • 2. Was it impossible to please your parents? 
  • Did you get the impression that no matter what you did, your parents would never approve of you? 
  • 3. Were your parent’s perfectionists? 
  • Were you chastised or punished unless you did things in a certain way? 
  • 4. Did your parents tell you that you were bad, worthless, or stupid, or that you would never amount to anything? Did they call you insulting names? 
  • 5. Did your parents belittle you, make fun of you, or make you the object of malicious or sadistic jokes? 
  • 6. Did your parents ignore your physical needs, for example, failing to provide adequate clothing such as a warm coat in the winter, or not providing adequate medical care?
  • 7. Did your parents force you to live in dangerous or unstable environments (such as exposure to domestic violence or parental conflict)? 
  • 8. Were your parents so preoccupied or busy with their own needs or problems that they didn’t take time to be with you? 
  • 9. Did your parents frequently leave you alone to fend for yourself? Were you deprived of physical nurturing (for example, being held or comforted when you were upset) or affection when you were a child? 
  • 10. Was one of both of your parents distant or aloof toward you as a child? 
  • 11. Did one or both of your parents have a drinking problem or an addiction to drugs or gambling, or any other addiction that caused one or both to neglect you? 
  • 12. Were you ever abandoned as a child (were you ever sent away to live with someone else as a punishment or because a parent was sick or could not take care of you)? 
  • 13. Was one or both of your parents overly protective of you or overly fearful that harm would come to you (for example, not allowing you to participate in sports or normal childhood activities for fear of your getting hurt)? 
  • 14. Did one or both of your parents isolate you from others or refuse to allow you to have friends over or to go over to other children’s homes? 
  • 15. Was one or both of your parents overly possessive of you (that is, did he or she appear jealous if you paid attention to anyone else or if you had a friend or romantic partner)? 
  • 16. Did one or both parents treat you as a confidante or seek emotional comfort from you? Did you often feel as if you were the parent and your parents were the children? 

These questions describe various forms of emotional abuse and neglect. 

  • If you answered yes to any of questions 1 through 5, you were emotionally abused through verbal abuse or unreasonable expectations. If you answered yes to any of questions 6 through 12, you were neglected or abandoned as a child. If you answered yes to any of questions 13 through 16, you suffered from emotional smothering or emotional incest.

 Psychological Maltreatment

  •  Although most emotional abuse and neglect are unintentional on a parent’s part, sometimes parents deliberately inflict harm on their children in these ways.
  • Psychological maltreatment is a term used by professionals to describe a concerted attack by an adult on a child’s development of self and social competence—a pattern of psychically destructive behavior. 

Sometimes coming under the category of emotional abuse, there are five major behavioral forms: 

  • Rejecting—behaviors that communicate or constitute abandonment of the child, such as a refusal to show affection 
  • Isolating—preventing the child from participating in normal opportunities for social interaction 
  • Terrorizing—threatening the child with severe or sinister punishment, or deliberately developing a climate of fear or threat 
  • Ignoring—where the caregiver is psychologically unavailable to the child and fails to respond to the child’s behavior 
  • Corrupting—caregiver behavior that encourages the child to develop false social values that reinforce antisocial or deviant behavioral patterns such as aggression, criminal acts, or substance abuse. 

How Children Are Affected by Emotional Abuse and Neglect

  • The primary way that children are affected by emotional abuse and neglect is that their self-image becomes distorted, they lack a strong sense of self, they develop extremely low self-esteem, and their emotional development is thwarted. Emotional abuse and neglect create a distorted view of oneself as unacceptable, unlovable, or “less than” others.

Emotional abuse, neglect, and smothering can also create self-hatred in a child.

  • Many children who are emotionally abused or neglected exhibit extremes in either passivity or aggressiveness.
  • Children who are constantly shamed, humiliated, terrorized, or rejected suffer at least as much as, if not more than if they had been physically assaulted.
  • Studies have found that neglect can be more damaging than outright abuse.
  • A survey of maltreated children found that neglected children were the most anxious, inattentive, and apathetic and that they often tended to be alternatively aggressive and withdrawn. There are various reasons for this outcome. 

Neglect and abandonment communicate to a child that he or she is not worthy of love and care. 

  • Early emotional deprivation often produces babies who grow into anxious and insecure children who are slow to develop or who have low self-esteem.
  • This is particularly true of babies who were given inadequate amounts of physical touch and holding. 
  • Researchers have found that the healthiest children are those who were frequently held and caressed by their parents. Children who were deprived of touch became what is called “touch avoidant.” By the age of six, these children would refuse nurturing touch. 
  • Emotional abuse often includes communicating to a child, either verbally or nonverbally, that he or she is unlovable, ugly, stupid, or wicked. Both neglect and emotional abuse can cause children to search within themselves for the faults that merit their parents’ bad treatment. 
  • Such internalized rejection can take a heavy toll on a child’s developing self, leading to poor self-image and low self-esteem. 
  • Children who are shown little empathy and given little praise and acceptance often exhibit not only poor self-esteem but also self-destructive behavior, apathy, and depression. 
  • Children who experience a chaotic environment with little security and safety tend to exhibit anxiety, fear, and night terrors. If they are threatened with the withdrawal of love from their parents or primary caretakers, they often experience severe anxiety, excessive fear, and dependency. 

A literature review of the effects of emotional abuse on children conducted by Marti Tamm Loring, author of Emotional Abuse, revealed the following:

  • Those who internalize the abuse become depressed, suicidal, and withdrawn. They manifest self-destructiveness, depression, suicidal thoughts, passivity, withdrawal (avoidance of social contacts), shyness, and a low degree of communication with others.
  • They are likely to have low self-esteem and may suffer from feelings of guilt and remorse, depression, loneliness, rejection, and resignation. 
  • Perceiving themselves as unworthy and the world as a hostile place in which they are bound to fail, many are unwilling to try new tasks or develop new skills. 
  • People who externalize the abuse frequently become anxious, aggressive, and hostile, may suffer from constant fear, and are always ready to “hit back.” 

As Louise M. Wisechild, the author of The Mother I Carry, a wonderful memoir about healing from emotional abuse, so eloquently wrote: 

  • Emotional abuse is like water dripping every day on a stone, leaving a depression, eroding the personality by an unrelenting accumulation of incidents that humiliate or ridicule, or dismiss. 
  • Emotional abuse is air and piercing vibration. 
  • Emotional abuse can feel physical even though no hand has been raised. The perpetrator may seem fragile and pathetic but still, be vicious. 
  • Childhood emotional abuse can define us when we are young, debilitate us as we grow older, and spread like a virus as we take its phrases and turn them on others. Note that emotional abuse is typically associated with and a result of other types of abuse and neglect. 
  • Emotional abuse is the core of all forms of abuse, and the long-term effects of child abuse and neglect generally stem from the emotional aspects of abuse.

The Role of Shame in Creating Low Self-Esteem and Perfectionism

  •  Shame is a feeling deep within us of being exposed and unworthy. When we feel shame we want to hide. We hang our heads, stoop our shoulders, and curve inward as if trying to make ourselves invisible.
  • Emotional abuse and neglect are very shaming experiences, and those who are victimized in any way feel humiliated and degraded by the experience. 
  • In addition, most children blame themselves for the way their parents treated them, feeling that somehow they deserved to be treated in such a way and thinking, “If I’d only minded my mother, she wouldn’t have belittled and yelled at me in front of my friends.” 

This is an attempt to regain some sense of power and control. 

  • To blame oneself and assume one could have done better or could have prevented an incident is more tolerable than to face the reality of utter helplessness. 
  • Children raised by parents who frequently scolded, criticized, or spanked them whenever they did the slightest thing the wrong end up feeling that their very being is wrong—not just their actions. 
  • Some people fight against shame by striving for perfection. This is a way of compensating for an underlying sense of defectiveness. 
  • The reasoning (although subconscious) goes like this: “If I can become perfect, I’ll never be shamed again.” This quest for perfection is, of course, doomed to fail.
  • Since the person suffering shame already feels inherent, not good enough, nothing he or she does will ever be perceived as good enough.
  • Therefore, continuing to expect perfection in yourself will cause you to constantly be disappointed and constantly damage your self-esteem. 

How Emotional Abuse and Neglect Affect Your Sense of Self 

  • I’ve used lots of words so far to identify different aspects of the self, such as self-image, self-concept, and self-esteem, but as yet I haven’t defined the concept of self.
  • There are many definitions, but for our purposes, we’ll define it as your inner core. It is the sense you have of yourself as a separate person—the sense of where your needs and feelings leave off and others begin. 

There is another “self” phrase that needs defining: a sense of self. 

  • This is your internal awareness of who you are and how you fit into the world. The ideal is what is referred to as “a coherent sense of self,” which is having an internal feeling of solidarity. 
  • You experience yourself as a person who has a place in the world, who has a right to express yourself, and who has the power to affect and participate in what happens to you. 
  • Unfortunately, people who were emotionally abused or neglected in childhood possess a sense of self that is often characterized by feelings that are anything but empowering. Instead, they feel helpless, ashamed, enraged, terrified, and guilty, leading to feelings of insecurity. 
  • We are not necessarily in touch with our sense of self until something happens to make us pay attention to it. If someone dismisses your accomplishments or rejects you, your focus will turn inward. You will begin to question whether you are worthy or loveable. 
  • The reverse can also be true. If someone compliments you, you might turn inward to congratulate yourself. Being self-conscious means that for whatever reason, you have become preoccupied with how you are doing or how you are coming across to other people. 
  • This self-evaluation can become obsessive and can cause you either to feel inhibited in the company of others or to put on a show for them. Either way, self-consciousness interferes with your ability to be your authentic self. When we feel ignored or rejected by others (especially our parents), we often begin to worry about what we might have done to warrant this reaction. 

This begins early in life. 

  • Children are egocentric—meaning they assume everything centers around them and therefore they must be the cause of others’ reactions—and so they tend to blame themselves for the way others treat them. 
  • As we grow older we become self-conscious and we feed our self-consciousness with a lot of self-deprecating assumptions. To develop a strong sense of self, you needed to be raised in an environment where positive psychological nourishment was available. 

Positive psychological nourishment consists of the following: 

  • Empathetic responses. When we say that someone can empathize, we generally mean she has the space inside to listen and respond to another person without getting caught up, or stuck, in her point of view. She can put herself in the other person’s place—to imagine how the other person feels. Unfortunately, many parents are so caught up in themselves that they have no room for anyone else’s needs or views—even their own children’s. 
  • A typical nonempathetic response from a parent may take the form of getting impatient with a baby who soils his pants when the parent is busy trying to get ready for a party. 
  • An empathetic parent will take a deep breath, pick up her toddler lovingly, and remind herself that the baby can’t help it. She’ll talk sweetly to the child and caress him gently as she changes his diaper. A nonempathetic parent may blame the child for causing a delay, handle the child roughly, and communicate displeasure toward him. 
  • Having your perceptions validated. One of the primary ways of encouraging a healthy sense of self is for parents to validate a child’s experience, such as when a parent agrees that something is sad when the child feels sad. 
  • This kind of validation usually causes the child to experience a feeling of being all right. She feels that she is “on target” with her feelings and probably also feels less alone in the world. If, on the other hand, a parent tells the child that a sad thing is a happy thing, the child might suddenly feel off-balance or that something is wrong with her. She will also probably feel very alone. 
  • Having your uniqueness respected. When a child’s uniqueness as an individual is respected, he learns to tolerate differences in himself and others. He learns that it is interesting to discover differences and to deal with them constructively. Unfortunately, in many families, it isn’t considered normal for people in the same family to have different preferences. 
  • Instead, there is an assumption that when a child has a different preference or disagrees, he is trying to control his caretakers or is involved in a power struggle. 
  • Some are even punished or blamed for being different from other family members. This is translated, in the child’s mind, to the message “I am bad.” When a child’s individual preferences are respected, on the other hand, he tends to feel, “I am all right.”

 This in turn promotes a sense of self characterized by feeling worthwhile and loved.

How Parents Act as Mirrors

  •  Infants have no “sense of self,” that is, no internal knowledge of who they are as a person separate from everyone else. If an infant were to look in the mirror, she would not recognize herself. You’ve no doubt watched the reaction of infants or toddlers who look in a mirror.
  • They often react as if they were seeing another child. Parents act as a mirror to show a child who he is. If a baby’s parents smile at him, he learns that he is delightful and adorable. If a baby is held and comforted, he learns that he is safe.
  • If his parents respond to his crying, he learns that he is important and effective. But if a baby is not held, spoken to, comforted, rocked, and loved, he learns other lessons about his worth.
  • If his cries are not responded to, he learns helplessness; he learns he is not important.
  • Later, as the child grows, his parents will act as a mirror in other ways. If they overprotect him, he will learn he is incompetent. If they are overly controlling, he will learn he cannot be trusted. 
  • Throughout childhood, there will be other mirrors that will show a child who he is.
  • Teachers, friends, and caregivers will all perform this role, but a child will inevitably return to the reflection in the mirror that his parents held up for him to determine his goodness, importance, and self-worth. 

I focus on helping you to create a new mirror, one that reflects who you are as opposed to how your parents or other primary caretakers defined you. 

  • Through a process, I call Mirror Therapy you will be able to raise your self-esteem, improve your self-image (including your body image), quiet your inner critic, and heal your shame. 
  • Although this program is called Mirror Therapy, it involves a lot more than looking in the mirror. 
  • Certainly, it is not based on the overly simplistic idea, depicted in an old Saturday Night Live skit, of looking into a mirror and repeating affirmations like “I’m good enough,” “I’m smart enough,” and “People like me.” Instead, it is a holistic approach based on important psychological concepts, techniques, and beliefs.

 I call my program Mirror Therapy for several reasons: 

  • The mirror symbolizes our identity.
  • Parental neglect, emotional abuse, and smothering all have a negative (mirroring) effect on a child’s developing identity—his or her self-concept, sense of self, and self-esteem. 
  • Parental emotional abuse and deprivation also hurt a child’s body image and body awareness. 
  • Thus, what the child (and later, the adult) sees when he or she looks in the mirror is distorted. 
  • Parental emotional abuse creates in a child a negative internal judge or critic, which acts as a warped lens that distorts reality. 
  • The practice of mirroring is a fundamental aspect of parenting and is necessary if a child is to grow into a healthy adult with a strong sense of self and high self-esteem. 
  • Mirror Therapy involves exercises and practices using mirrors as aids to reducing shame and raising self-esteem. 
  • Children mirror their parents’ behavior. 
  • This method focuses on how the negative view or judgment of an emotionally abusive parent defines a child’s self-image; how neglect causes a child to feel worthless and unlovable; and how emotional smothering causes a child to be unable to establish a separate self from his or her parents. 
  • Even though I created Mirror Therapy, especially for the many who were emotionally abused or neglected as children, it can work for anyone who suffers from low self-esteem, a poor self-image, a powerful inner critic, or is riddled with unhealthy shame. 
  • This includes people who were physically or sexually abused. By taking in the information in this book and by completing the exercises, you have an opportunity to reject the distorted images you received from your emotionally abusive or neglectful parents once and for all. 
  • You have the opportunity to replace these distorted images with a more accurate reflection of who you are. I call these two processes “Shattering Your Parental Mirror” and “Creating a New Mirror.” 
  • I encourage you to take this opportunity. 
  • While you cannot reverse all the damage caused by abusive or neglectful parents, you can regain much of the sense of goodness, strength, and wisdom that is your birthright.

Mirror Therapy Assignments

  •  In addition to various exercises throughout the book, I also offer you Mirror Therapy assignments at the end of each chapter. 
  • These assignments will help you to focus on important feelings and issues that may arise as you read the book. 

Mirror Therapy Assignment #1 

  • This week take the time to notice how often you criticize yourself—whether it is because you did not perform the way you expected or because you are not happy with the way you look. 
  • Also notice how often you feel exposed, unworthy, or fearful that others will discover how flawed you are. If you like, record how often you are self-critical, the types of criticism you notice, how often you feel shame, and what triggers that shame.

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Book Review Of ‘Fresh Start’ Daily Devotion 

‘Fresh Start’ Daily Devotion

Book Review Of Fresh Start: The New You Begins Today; THE NEW YOU BEGINS TODAY, By Joel Osteen New York • Boston • Nashville  Introduction: Book Review Of Fresh Start: The New You Begins Today, It’s never too late to start over. Change your life today and build a stronger relationship with God with Scripture and encouraging advice from #1 New York Times bestselling author Joel Osteen. 

In this one-of-a-kind guide, Joel Osteen provides practical insight and encouragement to help you stay connected to God so you can receive His strength and be empowered to accomplish all that He has for you. Here are eight keys to living your life in the fullness of God’s blessings and favor:

  • Be on the lookout for God’s Goodness
  • Keep God First Place in Your Life
  • Release Negative Experiences
  • Think Yourself to Victory
  • Protect Your Vision
  • Use the Power of “I Am”
  • Be Selective About What You Feed Yourself
  • Deal with Anything That Prevents Your Best

These insights will help you build new beginnings with God as you trust in His word and promises. In Fresh Start, you’ll learn how to experience God’s goodness and make Him a part of your everyday life.

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Keep God First Place in Your Life, Fresh Start

The best decision of your life was to live your life with God at the center. That was the essential first step to living at your full potential. Now the key to experiencing an extraordinary life every day is to grow in your relationship with God.

Scripture talks about how life with God is like a tree and its branches.  When a branch is connected to the tree, it receives nourishment and life. It’s able to produce fruit. In the same way, we have to stay connected to God so we can receive His strength and be empowered to accomplish all that He has for us. 

In any relationship, growth happens over time. God doesn’t expect you to be perfect. He doesn’t expect you to know everything. God just wants you to keep moving forward with Him one step at a time. He wants to show you His goodness and be a part of your everyday life.

It may feel a little strange at first, but just like any new relationship, the more time you spend with Him,  the more comfortable it becomes. That’s why I wrote this book— to help you connect with God and learn about His ways! 

Book Review Of Fresh Start: The New You Begins Today; Practice daily positive declaration 

I Declare: 31 Promises to Speak Over Your Life 

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Embrace God’s blessings every morning and experience the glory of His promises with thirty-one powerful Scripture lessons based on a regular, favorite feature of Joel Osteen’s sermons at Lakewood Church.

Broken into thirty-one segments, this book defines the most powerful blessings in Scripture and encourages readers to declare one each day for a month.

The declarations will affirm God’s blessings in the area of health, family legacy, decisions, finances, thoughts, outlook, and overcoming obstacles.

I Declare: 31 Promises to Speak Over Your Life 

 

Book Review Of ‘Fresh Start’: The New You Begins Today, Daily Devotion 

  • Today, know that God is bigger than your past, your disappointments, and your problems. You may have made a lot of mistakes, but God can turn those things around.
  • People may have hurt you, but if you’ll trust God, He’ll restore you. Just stay focused on the new life you have with Him. Think of it as a  change in seasons. When winter turns to spring, the old is gone and the new begins. The past may have been cold and dreary. 
  • Maybe your dreams have been dormant and covered. But now it’s Springtime! Spring symbolizes a fresh start. It’s a time for new growth and multiplication! 
  • You may not see all the changes you want right away, but remember, you don’t see the fullness of spring instantly either. It takes time for the leaves to grow back and the blossoms unfold.  It doesn’t happen all at once, and neither do things with God.  Just trust that He is at work bringing about good in every area of your life. 
  • As you read these pages, be open to what God will reveal to your heart. In Part One, I provide eight keys to staying connected with Him and living your life in the fullness of His blessings and favor.
  • In Part Two, I’ll help you confront what is often the greatest obstacle to staying connected with God allowing your past to be a barrier between you and the pathway of new beginnings with Him.
  • Then in Part Three, I am excited to provide you with a treasury of insight into the foundation and greatest source of inspiration to your relationship with God—living by the power of God’s Word and His promises for your every need.  
  • No matter what is going on in your day-to-day life, keep making time for Him so that your relationship can grow strong and you can walk in the fullness of the blessing He has prepared for you!
  • Maybe your dreams have been dormant and covered. But now it’s Springtime!  Spring symbolizes a  fresh start. It’s a time for new growth and multiplication!

Book Review Of ‘Fresh Start’ Daily Devotion 

Keys to  Staying  Connected with God 

  • It doesn’t matter what your present circumstances look like,  today is a brand-new day, and God wants to do a new thing in your life and in your relationship with Him every day. He has placed seeds of greatness within you that are about to spring forth.
  • He wants to give you a fresh, new vision for your life, one that’s filled with His blessings and favor in amazing ways. But it’s up to you to respond to Him. Here are eight keys to your staying connected with Him that promise to take your life to a  whole new level and make all things new in your life!

Be on the lookout for God’s Goodness

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above and comes down from the  Father of lights. James 1:17

Be on the lookout for  God’s Goodness 

  • Just like the sun radiates heat, God radiates goodness. It’s not just what He does; it’s who He is. God’s very nature is good.  It’s important that we recognize God’s goodness. The Scripture says every good gift comes from our Father in Heaven, both large and small. 
  • Too many times, God is working in our lives, showing us a favor, protecting us, sending us healing, but we don’t recognize  His goodness. Don’t take things for granted. It wasn’t a coincidence that you met your spouse and fell in love.
  • God was directing your steps. It wasn’t a lucky break that you got that job. It was God’s hand of favor. The fact that your children are strong and healthy is not just good fortune. That’s God being good to you. All through the day, we should be saying, “Thank You, Lord,  for Your goodness.
  • Thank You, LORD, for my health and my family, my spouse. 
  • Thank You for the opportunities and good breaks You’ve  given me.” You need to be on the lookout for God’s goodness.
  • Our attitude should be, I can’t wait to see what God is going to do today. Anything good that happens, be quick to give God the credit. It may be something small.
  • Maybe you suddenly have a good idea. “Lord, thank You   

The Scripture says every good gift comes from our Father in  Heaven, both large and small, for that idea. 

  • I know it came from You.” You finish a project at work sooner and easier than you expected.  “Lord, thank You for  Your grace with that project.” 
  • God is constantly working, showing us His goodness,  but too many times we don’t recognize it. We’re waiting for the big, spectacular things.  Whenever something good happens, I’m going to give God thanks.  When I see favor,  “Thanks to Lord.”   When I’m reminded  of something,  I need to do, give thanks to Lord,  saying “Thank You, Lord.”  When somebody  lets me in on the freeway, “Thank You, Lord.”
  • When the temperature drops below 100 in Houston, “Thank You, Lord.”  When  I’m protected, “Thank You, Lord.”  When I see the breakthrough,  “Thank You, Lord.” I’m talking about living with an attitude of thankfulness and gratefulness. God blesses a thankful attitude.  When something good happens, you’re seeing God.  Make sure you thank Him for it.  Make sure you give Him the credit.  You may not think God is doing anything in your life, but God is constantly showing us His goodness.

My question is: Are Be on the lookout for God’s Goodness 

  • are you recognizing it? Look around this week. Be more aware.  Psalm 34:8 says, “Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good.” If you’re going to taste God’s goodness, you have to realize that every good break, every time you were protected, every door that opened, and every advantage you’ve gotten has been God working in your life.  

Don’t take it for granted. 

  • I heard about this man who was driving around a crowded parking lot trying to get a space, going around and around. He  got so frustrated that he finally said, “God,  if You’ll give me a parking spot, I’ll go to  church every Sunday.” Right then, immediately, a car backed out of space, and as he pulled in, he said, “Never mind, God. I  just found one.” That’s the way we are a lot of times. We forget that every good thing comes from God. 
  • Every one of us can look back and remember times God protected us, spared us from an accident, gave us a promotion, caused us to be at the right place at the right time, or made a way when there  If you’re going to taste God’s goodness, you have to realize that every good break, every time you were protected,  every door that opened, and every advantage you’ve gotten has been God working in your life. seemed to be no way. Don’t ever get tired of thanking God for  His goodness.
  • Remember your victories. Tell the people around you. Keep bragging on the goodness of God. The more you brag on God’s goodness, the more of God’s goodness you’ll see. 

Book Review Of ‘Fresh Start’ Daily Devotion 

Too many times today instead of remembering our victories

we’re remembering our defeats, our failures, our disappointments. When we remember what God has done for us, it causes faith to arise in our hearts. We know if God did it for us before,  He can certainly do it for us again.  I encourage you to do three things:  

  1. Expect God’s goodness. Get up every day looking for  God’s favor.
  1. Recognize God’s goodness. There are no coincidences,  no lucky breaks. It’s the goodness of God.

     3. Always thank God for His goodness. Whenever something good happens, large or small, be quick to thank  God for it. Live with an attitude of gratitude and praise.  If you do these things, you’ll experience more of God’s goodness and favor, and your life will go to a whole new level. 

Be on the lookout for God’s Goodness 

Action Plan; But be doers of the word,  and not hearers only. James 1:22 

  1.  Get into the habit of thanking God throughout the day for every blessing, big and small.
  1.  Start a “Blessing Journal” and write down every significant blessing, breakthrough, or promotion God brings your way.  When you’re tempted to get discouraged, look through the journal and remind yourself of everything God has done in your life.
  • 3. Psalm 9:11 tells us to declare God’s good works among the people. Tell others about the good things God does in your life and give Him credit. It will encourage them and strengthen their faith and give glory to God.

BIBLICAL QUOTES FOR MEDITATION, WITH SOUL AND MIND

Book Review of A Better Way to Think by Norman Wright

Book Review of A Better Way to Think by Norman Wright

Research indicates that people tend to be more creative when they see something as funny. Other studies suggest that laughter helps increase the flexibility and creativity of thinking. Humor even has been used to help strengthen the immune system. Read of A Better Way to Think by Norman Wright in this article.

A Better Way to Think- Power of Positive Thinking,

Your Thoughts and Your Health: Your Thoughts and Your Health 

Thoughts can create stress in our life. And it’s been well documented that stress negatively affects health in many ways.  Humor, on the other hand, helps your brain function healthily. In reacting to humor, both sides of the brain are activated simultaneously. When you tell a joke, the left side the part responsible for thinking starts firing. When you “get” a joke and start laughing, your right side becomes active. 

A Better Way to Think

All of us talk to ourselves, carrying on inner dialogues much of the day. Some of this self-talk frees us, but much of it keeps us captive to negative patterns that have a corresponding negative impact on our emotions and actions. But we do not have to remain prisoners of fear, anxiety, despair, disillusionment, regret, or stress!

The bestselling author of A Better Way to Think,

shows readers how to truly bring every thought captive under Christ, thereby freeing themselves from the negative patterns of self-talk that have stymied their personal and spiritual growth for years. Biblical based and full of practical, proven strategies,

This book helps readers harness the positive and creative power of their thought lives to experience lasting freedom from negativity. H. Norman Wright

A Better Way to Think- EMOTIONAL WELLNESS 

Thoughts create emotions that can have a lasting physical effect on your body.

 For example, when we dwell on old hurts and wounds, we build a mental habit. Every time we think about that pain from the past, stress—and its toxic effects— surfaces with increasing speed. Each time we think that negative thought, we build a stronger pathway to that negative emotion, and we’re more likely to express ourselves negatively. 

Our emotional pain can even trigger physical pain or damage.

Researchers have linked toxic thoughts to heart and vascular problems, gastrointestinal problems, headaches, skin conditions, intestinal tract disorders, chronic pain, lung and breathing disorders, and immune impairment.  

Consider this, from Dr. Caroline Leaf’s Who Switched Of My Brain?

Research shows that around 87% of illnesses can be attributed to our thought life, and approximately 13% to diet, genetics, and environment. Studies conclusively link more chronic diseases (also known as lifestyle diseases) to an epidemic of toxic emotions in our culture. These toxic emotions can cause migraines, hypertension, strokes, cancer, skin problems, diabetes, infections, and allergies, just to name a few. 

As a negative thought begins to develop,

it activates a section of the brain that releases emotions related to thought. If it’s a negative or toxic thought, one of those insidious “downer” chemicals is released, stimulating the release of another, which stimulates the release of yet another. 

Chemicals released by negative emotions can affect your brain’s nerve cells, causing difficulty in retrieving memories.

That, in turn, suppresses the ability to remember and think constructively. Chemicals released in the brain as a result of positive thoughts don’t cause this kind of damage, research shows.

Toxic thoughts impact both emotional and physical balance.

The hormones released can disrupt positive brain functioning, making it difficult for us to concentrate or focus. 

The good news is that our thoughts also can create a calmness that helps control our emotions, reining them in before they spin out of control. Every positive or happy thought spurs your brain to action, releasing chemicals that make your body feel good.

Book Review of A Better Way to Think by Norman Wright 

Why Self-Talk Matters 

This is where the power of self-talk is so evident. Self-talk is simply the thoughts you tell yourself. For example, Melanie may step out of the house, notice it’s raining, and think, “Great, the yard needed some water.” On the other hand, her friend Rhonda, who feeds herself a steady diet of negative self-talk, would probably think, “Oh, rats! Now I’ll get my hair and shoes wet,  And it will be rough driving into work. I’ll probably catch a cold. ” You get the picture. 

Thoughts follow specific pathways in the brain.

When a thought occurs, the part of the brain called the thalamus goes to work making sense of the information and running it through the part of the brain that stores memories, the amygdala. In her book, Dr. Leaf notes:  Remember that the amygdala is much like a library and is responsible for the first emotional response to any thought. It activates and arouses you to do something. If your “ library” is filled with “ books” that tell a story about not being able to cope with the incoming information, the response will be to react to the information based purely on an emotional level.

This is why it is never wise to react to the first emotion you feel.

It is a physiological response designed to alert and focus you, not to direct your actions. When your thoughts are toxic or negative, you’ve handed off control to your emotions, chemical reactions that aren’t always reliable. Part of the amygdala’s purpose is to alert us. But unless it’s steadied with nontoxic, balanced thoughts, the emotions it generates can dominate. And that can cause a negative, even irrational, response.

That’s why memories, even those we don’t consciously recall, can have powerful effects.

Even if they’re not readily accessed by the brain, so-called hidden memories still exist. Their information isn’t lost; it’s stored somewhere in the mind. It’s as if those memories are burned onto the hard drive of the mind, and when we hit the right keys to trigger them, they reappear clearly to us. 

We all have memories hidden somewhere beyond our conscious memory, blocked because the event was extremely painful or traumatic.

It’s as though God has built into the functioning of our mind the ability to repress emotionally painful material. Some of these memories stay there until our subconscious minds believe it’s “safe” to access them. 

We need to remember that, like so many other things, accessing memories is a biological process. 

Which memories did you activate today? Were they negative or positive? Did they hinder your life or enhance it?

Book Review of A Better Way to Think by Norman Wright 

We Are What We Think 

You can learn to control your thoughts that change your brain’s chemistry, affect your emotions, and even influence your character, And that means you can have significant control over your physical well-being too. 

What God Says 

Your thought life is not your own. It, like the rest of you, belongs to God.  If your thought life, your self-talk, is moving in the wrong direction, there’s good news straight from God’s Word. Scripture teaches that our thoughts can change. 

In Philippians 4:8, we’re told what the contents of our thoughts should be:

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable if anything is excellent or praiseworthy think about such things” (NIV). And then Paul goes on to say the word I’ve been emphasizing, practice: “Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you” (4:9). 

In Ephesians 4:23, Paul talks about being renewed in the spirit of your minds.

When you pray, ask God to renew your mind. Keep track of toxic messages from the past, challenge that damaging self-talk, and ask God to purge your memory banks of those false core beliefs. Your goal is to realize that God, through the power of his Holy Spirit, gives each person the ability to picture things in the way he pictures them. Every person needs a transformation of the mind to have the mind of Christ.

The power of these passages is made possible through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

This is how the reality of peace in our lives is finally realized. Dr. Lloyd Ogilvy, the former chaplain of the US Senate, said, “Each of us needs to surrender our mind to God.” Doing so is an opportunity for you to change messages that are keeping you stuck. 

Book Review of A Better Way to Think by Norman Wright

Can your messages change? Yes. Can your life change?

Yes.  You’ll probably question and argue with statements about your old beliefs being false, and the new ones being true. Expect this. You’re involved in changing some deep-seated beliefs about yourself, and probably other people, as well as about God. Remember that you’re not alone in this process— all your beliefs can be run through the grid of Scripture to see what God says about you. Every core belief you have about yourself that is negative is probably contrary to Scripture’s promises about the way God sees you. 

Book Review of A Better Way to Think by Norman Wright

Reflect and Remember 

  1. What are the words you remember hearing again and again as a child? 
  2. When you hear a voice in your mind, whose voice is it? 
  3. Which of the statements did you hear repeatedly as a child became core beliefs?
  4. What are some core beliefs you’d like to change at this time? 
  5. What pictures reflect on your mind more than you would like? 
  6. Describe how you will make use of Philippians 4:8–9 and Ephesians 4:23. 
  7. Which of Laura’s statements did you identify with? 
  8. What are three additional core beliefs you have about yourself? 
  9. Describe a friendly voice in your mind one that offers friendly thoughts rather than toxic thoughts.

Statements Record 

During the coming week, record your “should” statements. In each case, record an alternative way of thinking about the same experience without using a “should.”

Book Review of A Better Way to Think by Norman Wright

Self-Talk, 

Taking More Control  Fran was an attractive woman in her mid-thirties who longed to be in a serious, committed relationship headed toward marriage. Great guys asked her out. She liked them, and they liked her. But one after another, they fell like tin soldiers. And Fran had no idea that she was the one knocking them down—all because of her self-talk. 

The pattern was always the same.

As the relationship progressed, Fran began to retreat, even though the man in her life was involved and interested. Each in the series of suitors was left wondering what he’d done wrong. The truth was, he hadn’t done anything that sabotaged the relationship. What went wrong was all in Fran’s mind. 

It’s quite normal that Fran listened to carried-on conversations in her mind between herself and her love interest.

But she’d take the smallest incident and let her mind wander with it. For example, if her boyfriend didn’t spend a long time on the phone with her, she’d tell herself, He’s losing interest! 

Soon she’d be imagining all kinds of related problems in the relationship. Sometimes she ended up believing imagined offenses actually occurred. But that’s the power of our self-talk. 

While Fran can’t see the destructiveness of her self-talk,

Tom recognizes the harmful potential of his self-talk. In frustration, he calls it “chatter.” 

“That’s the best word I can use to describe what goes on in my head,” he says. “It’s my own, I realize, but sometimes it involves others. I actually carry on full-length conversations in my head with others. Sometimes they’re repetitive. 

I wish I could say they’re good conversations, but most of the time they’re not.

Sometimes I chatter when I’m trying to go to sleep, and then I’m wide awake for hours. My body and my emotions are activated by that dumb, imagined conversation. 

“There are times when I get angry or depressed and wonder why, but then it dawns on me it’s what I was thinking about! Does everyone do this, or am I the only one? I guess it’s something we don’t talk about.” 

I’ve said it before, but it’s worth repeating: It’s normal to talk to yourself. And you can learn to control your self-talk. In fact, by now, I hope you’re already making progress. But to move farther along the journey will help to understand it even better. 

Book Review of A Better Way to Think by Norman Wright

“Chewing” on Our Thoughts 

All-day long we carry on conversations with ourselves. You may even find yourself talking out loud, or mumbling to yourself while you’re having a dialogue with yourself. 

We talk to ourselves while taking a shower or shaving or driving or listening to a lecture or a sermon. And sometimes we engage in self-talk without realizing we’re doing it. We catch ourselves, and “vow” not to waste any more time doing it. But we will . . . and it’s not always a waste of time. 

Were you aware that talking to yourself is a habit you’ve cultivated?

Think of your mind as a massive iPod, and over the year you’ve downloaded hundreds of statements that you can play at will. Some of them you’ve played so much that you’re not really needed to tap the play button anymore. Now, you hear them automatically. 

The more these play, the more we begin to believe them. We think This is reality! This is true! 

When we dwell continuously on the same theme or issue, it can be described as ruminating. This word came from a Latin word for “chewing the cud.” If you’ve been around cows, you’ll have a visual picture of what this means. It seems like some cows can go all day long chewing and chewing. 

When we ruminate on a thought, we go over it again and again, often too many times to count.  Ruminating reinforces that thought, the belief, and the effect. It can get in the way of reality. It also can get in the way of finding a solution to the problem. 

Ruminating on a negative thought can cripple our creative thinking and hinder us from making positive steps.

And several studies have identified the link between rumination and depression. In 1989, there was a major earthquake in San Francisco. Those who ruminated about the experience were more likely to experience depression and post-traumatic stress. Another study showed that those who ruminate about their problems are four times more likely to develop major depression than those who don’t.

Even when you’re not aware of the content of your self-talk, and even when some is negative, it’s not a cause for concern.

But help is needed when your negative thoughts become frequent, or when you believe negative thoughts that aren’t really true, or when what you tell yourself goes against Scripture. 

In an earlier chapter, we called these “toxic thoughts.” They’re not based in reality. They’re distorted. And by changing them, you can change your life. 

The Power of Self-Talk 

Is our self-talk all that important? Absolutely. What you say to yourself can control and direct your life, build or destroy relationships, determine whether you’ll fail or succeed. The way you express anger, your ways of showing love, and how you handle conflict all are driven by self-talk. 

Your self-talk may be based upon some of your attitudes. A positive attitude toward self tends to generate positive self-talk, while a negative attitude generates negative self-talk. 

Self-talk is based on your beliefs. And what you truly believe is manifested in both your inner and conversations.

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101 Ways to Build a Stronger, More Exciting Marriage Kindle Edition

A growing marriage is a healthy marriage, and communication is the key! Noted Christian counselor Norm Wright draws on his years of counseling couples to provide 101 insightful conversation starters to encourage you and your partner to spend time together and deepen your relationship.

From time management to children and from finances to items you may not have considered, you’ll find questions that provide innovative ideas to spark your creative observations on romance to open up new levels of intimacy topics to strengthen your relationship conversation starters to enhance communication nonthreatening openings to bring up sensitive topics.

If you want more from your marriage, 101 Ways to Build a Stronger,

More Exciting Marriage invites you to learn more about each other through engaging and fun interactions.

20 POWERFUL POSITIVE MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL HABITS

 BOOK SUMMARY OF “CHANGE YOUR HABITS, CHANGE YOUR LIFE”

NO MORE PAINS. POSITIVE ATTITUDE IN NEGATIVE SITUATIONS. WELLNESS QUOTES

 

Change Your Habits: Change Your Life 

Change Your Habits: Change Your Life

Book summary of “Change your habits, change your life” ( part 2) “Be willing to be uncomfortable. Be comfortable being uncomfortable. It may get tough, but it’s a small price to pay for living a dream.” Peter MC Williams

Get comfortable with change and chaos!

Be willing to be uncomfortable; Be comfortable being uncomfortable

The way to success goes through change and chaos. For personal growth, you have to be in a constant state of feeling slightly uncomfortable. Get into the habit of doing things that others don’t want to do.

You have to choose to do what needs to be done regardless of the inconvenience!

That means: to forgive instead of holding a grudge, to go the extra mile instead of saying it can’t be done; to take 100% of the responsibility for your behavior instead of blaming others. Most of us think that to change our lives we have to make huge changes, and then we get overwhelmed by the hugeness of the task and end up not doing anything, and get stuck with our old habits.

The answer is baby steps!

Start changing small things which don’t require a big effort and those small changes will eventually lead to bigger changes. Start changing your way to get to work, the restaurant you’re having lunch at, or meet new people.
Action Steps:
1) Do something that makes you feel slightly uncomfortable every day.
2) What will you change tomorrow? Your daily routine? Exercise? Eat healthier?

Review of “Change Your Habits: Change Your Life“-part 2 

 Focus on what you want, not on what you lack!

It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light. Aristotle Onassis
The number one reason why people are not getting what they want is that they don’t even know what they want. The number two reason is that while they are telling themselves what they want, they are concentrating on what they don’t want, and what you are concentrating on…Expands!

Remember to focus on what you want from now on!

Where is your focus? On the positive or the negative? On the past or the present? Do you focus on problems or solutions? This is crucial! Here is where the law of attraction goes wrong for most people and they give up!  You will attract more of what you focus on! Your energy will flow in the direction of your focus and your focus determines your overall perception of the world.

Focus on opportunities and you will see more opportunities!

Focus on success and success will come to you.
Use the following questions to change your focus: How can I improve this situation?
What can I be thankful for? is great in my life right now? could I be happy about right now if I wanted to?
Is this still important in ten years?
What is great about this challenge? How can I use this to learn from it? What can I do to make things better?

Review of “Change Your Habits: Change Your Life”-part 2 

Watch your words

“But if thought corrupts language, language can also corrupt thought.” George Orwell, 1984
“The only thing that’s keeping you from getting what you want is the story you keep telling yourself.”
Tony Robbins Watch your words! Don’t underestimate them! They are very powerful! The words that we use to describe our experiences become our experiences! You probably encountered a situation or two in your life, when spoken words did a lot of damage. And this is true not only in talking to others but also in talking to yourself.

Yes, this little voice in your head – the one that just asked: “Voice, what voice?”

You are what you tell yourself the whole day! Your inner dialogue is like the repeated suggestion of a hypnotist. Are you complaining a lot? What story are you telling yourself? If you say that you are bad, weak, and powerless then that’s what your world will look like! On the other hand, if you say you are healthy, feeling great, and unstoppable you will also reflect that. Your inner dialogue has a huge impact on your self-esteem. Don’t think of a pink elephant! See  I bet you just imagined a pink elephant. The good thing is that you can really change your life by changing your language, positively talking to yourself, and starting to ask yourself different questions. Why wait? Start asking yourself different questions now!

Review of “Change Your Habits: Change Your Life”-part 2 

 New Habits, New Life!

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”
Aristotle, It takes about 21 days to implement a new habit. About 2500 years ago, the Greek philosopher Aristotle said that you change your life by changing your habits. The coaching process is, in its essence a process of changing the client’s habits over time by introducing new ways of doing things and substituting old behaviors.

The most important step in the process of changing your habits is to become aware of them!

Did you hear the saying that If you keep doing what you are doing you will keep getting the results you are getting? Einstein himself defined the purest form of insanity as “doing the same things over and over, expecting a different result”. Is this you? Don’t worry and go on reading! If you want different results in your life then you have to start doing things differently.

You can change this and it’s relatively easy if you put in some work and discipline.

Develop habits that steer you towards your goals. If you do that-success in your life is guaranteed.

Action Step: What 10 habits are you going to introduce?
It’s not necessary to introduce BIG changes. The habits my clients introduce are

  •  Exercise 3 times a week.
  • Focus on the positive.
  • Work on your goals.
  • Walk by the beach or in the woods.
  •  Spend more time with your family.
  •  Eat more vegetables.
  • Meet with friends.
  • Read 30 minutes a day.
  • Spend 15 minutes on “alone time” a day, etc.

It helps to have a visual display! And don’t forget to reward yourself for your successes! Start RIGHT NOW by making a list of 10 daily habits you will introduce into your life from today.

Review of “Change Your Habits: Change Your Life”-part 2 

 Know yourself

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” Aristotle
The first step before changing your life is becoming aware of where you are and what’s missing.

Please take some time to answer the following questions.

  • What are your dreams in life?
  • At the end of your life, what do you think you would most regret not having done for yourself?
  • If time and money were not factors, what would you like to do, be, or have?
  • What motivates you in life?
  •  limits you in life?
  • What have been your biggest wins in the last 12 months?
  • Have been your biggest frustrations in the last 12 months?
  • What do you do to please others? do you do to please yourself? do you pretend not to know?
  • Has been the best work that you have done in your life until today?
  • Whence exactly do you know that this was your best work?

How do you see the work you do today in comparison to what you did 5 years ago?

  • What’s the relationship between the work you do now and the work you did then?
  • Part of your work do you enjoy the most?
  • What activity or thing do you usually postpone?
  • Part of your work do you enjoy the least?
  • What are you really proud of?
  • How would you describe yourself?
  • What aspects of your behavior do you think you should improve?

At this moment in time, how would you describe your commitment level to making your life a success?

  •   And at the moment in time, how would you describe your general state of well-being, energy, and self-care?
  • By this moment in time, how would you describe how much fun or pleasure you are experiencing in your life?
  • If you could put one fear behind you once and for all, what would it be?
  • In what area of your life do you most want to have a true breakthrough?
  • Evaluate yourself on a scale from 1-10 (10 = highest) in the following areas:
    Social…
    Work…
    Family…
    Interpersonal

Know your Top 4 values!

Review of “Change Your Habits: Change Your Life”-part 2 

“Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction.” John F. Kennedy
Let’s talk about values. Not morally or ethically, but looking at what fuels you and what motivates you. Being clear about and knowing your values is one of the most important steps to getting to know yourself better.

By knowing your values, you will be able to attract more of what you want in your life.

If there is a big difference between the life you are living and your values, this might create suffering and tension. Once you find out what your values are, you will be able to understand yourself and your actions a lot better. When your goals are aligned with your values you will notice that you achieve them much quicker and hit a lot less resistance.

Also, answer the following questions:

What is very important in your life?  gives purpose to your life?  are you usually doing when you experience that feeling of inner peace? What are you doing that is so much fun that you usually lose track of time? Think of some people that you admire. Why do you admire them? What kind of qualities do you admire in them? What activities do you enjoy the most?  kind of moments brings you joy and fulfillment?  can’t you put up with it?

Visualization:

Take some time. Close your eyes and relax.
Imagine that it is your 75th birthday. You’re strolling around in your house. All your friends and family are present. What would you like the most important person in your life, your best friend, and a family member say to you? Write it down.
1) The most important person in your life says…
2) Your best friend says…
3) Your (family member) says…

Know your strengths

“A winner is someone who recognizes his God-given talents, works his tail off to develop them into skills, and uses his skills to accomplish his goals.”
Larry Bird
You don’t have to be good at everything. Focus on your strengths. Remember that what you focus on tends to expand. What are you good at? Time to find out – isn’t it?

So let’s get started: List your TOP FIVE Personal Qualities and Professional Strengths below:

(What are your unique strengths?  are you most proud of?  do you do best?)

List your Most Significant Personal and Professional Accomplishments: (What are you most pleased about and proud of having accomplished?)
List your Personal and Professional Assets: (Who do you know? What do you know? gifts do you have?  makes you unique and powerful?)
Once you know your strengths it’s time to strengthen them. Practice them and concentrate on them – the ones you have and the ones you want

Action Step:
If you are up for it, send an email to 5 friends and/or colleagues and ask them what they consider your greatest strengths! This can be quite inspiring and a true self-confidence booster!
https://optimalhealth.in/success-tips/

 Honor your past achievements

Review of “Change Your Habits: Change Your Life”-part 2 

“The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate”
Oprah Winfrey
This is a very important chapter. It’s one of my favorite exercises to boost my clients-self-confidence (and my own). Its purpose is to empower you and make you aware of what you have already achieved in your life! We are always so centered on the things that don’t work so well or what we haven’t achieved that we forget what we have already achieved.

I’m sure that you have fantastic achievements in your life and in this chapter you will become aware of those past successes and use them as rocket fuel to achieve your goals and future successes!

So the big question is: What great things have you achieved in your life so far?

You put yourself through college, traveled the world, have a great career, have lots of great friends. Maybe you lived abroad for a while all on your own. Or maybe you have overcome a tough childhood and major personal setbacks. Maybe you raised fantastic children. Whatever challenges you’ve overcome or successes you have achieved—now is the time to look back and celebrate them.

Remember the focus?

In this case, it means that the more you remember and acknowledge your past successes, the more confident you’ll become. And because you are concentrating on successes you will see more opportunities for success! Make your list!

Remind yourself of your past successes!

Pat yourself on the shoulder and say to yourself “Well done!” The important thing is the experience of success! Get into the same state that you were in, see the success once again in your mind, feel again how it felt then!
Action Step:
1) Write down a list of the biggest successes you’ve achieved in your life!
2) Read them out loud and allow yourself to feel fantastic for what you have accomplished!

Review of “Change Your Habits: Change Your Life”-part 2 

Write down your goals and achieve them!

“People with clear, written goals accomplish far more in a shorter period of time than people without them can ever imagine.” Brian Tracy
“A goal is a dream with a deadline.” Napoleon Hill
The huge majority of us don’t have even the slightest idea of where to start to make our dreams come true. Most people overestimate what they can do in a month and underestimate what they can do in a year. If you go one step at a time and remain flexible, then over time you can achieve things that you couldn’t even imagine before. And the funny thing is: It’s not even about reaching the end goals; it’s about the person you become in the process.

The journey is more important than the destination and also in goal setting!

So why write down your goals? Because they will drive you to take action! Having clearly defined goals in your life is crucial to your way towards success and happiness. They are like a GPS leading the way. But to be led, first of all, you have to know where you want to go!

This is so important that entire books are written on the subject of goal setting!

I will make it as short as possible.
The first step to achieving your dream goals is to put them in writing. I was very skeptical about this until I started writing down my goals and then I wish I had started two decades ago. I became so much more productive and focused that I could hardly believe it. As I said before, for many years I didn’t care about goal setting. To be honest, I think it made me feel uncomfortable because committing to goals and writing them down suddenly meant that I could measure what I had achieved and what I did not achieve, and I didn’t have the courage to do that.

It’s important to write down your goals for various reasons:

1) When you write them down, you declare to your mind, that out of the 50000 to 60000 thoughts you have a day, THIS ONE written down is the most important.
2) You start concentrating and focusing on the activities that bring you closer to your goal. You also start making better decisions, while you are
focused on where you want to go, always keeping in mind whether what you are doing at this moment is really the best use of your time.
3) Having a look at your written goals every day forces you to act and helps you to prioritize your actions for the day by asking yourself questions such as “At this moment, is doing what I’m doing bringing me closer to my goals?”

Before starting the change process, you have to be clear about your goals.

Then break them down into small achievable action steps and make a list of all the steps that you will take to get there.

Calculate how long it will take you. Don’t forget to set a deadline for each action step and goal.

Don’t worry if you don’t reach the goal by the exact date you set; it’s just a way of focusing on the goal and creating a sense of urgency.  One of my favorite quotes from my coaching training is “If you put a date on a dream it becomes a goal.”  So it’s GO time for you now: In the following exercise, I want you to write down what you want your life to look like in 10 years. When you write it down,  I want you to write down what you want, not what you think is possible.

So GO BIG!

There are no limits to your imagination.

The answers you write here are the direction in which your life is headed. Create a clear vision of your goals in your mind. See yourself as already having achieved the goal: How does it feel?  does it look? How does it sound?  does it smell?

The goals have to be yours, specific, stated positively, and you have to commit to them.

Another important point: When pursuing your goals, reward yourself for the effort put in, and not just for the results. Self-punishment is not allowed! Keep in mind that you are much further than you were a week or a month ago.

Other useful tips that enhance your goal setting journey:

Put a little card with your goals written on it in your wallet and reconnect 4-5 times daily.
It’s very beneficial to have a to-do list. Put your action steps on it, as well as the time it takes to do the task as and put the deadlines for each task.
Balance your goals (physical, economic, social, professional, family, spiritual).

Exercise:

1) What do you want your life to look like in 10 years? There are no limits! Go big!
2)  do you have to have achieved in 5 years to get closer to your goal in 10 years?
3) What do you have to have achieved in 1 year to get closer to your goal in 5 years?
4)  do you have to have achieved in 3 months to get closer to your 1- year-goal?
5) What are the things that can you do NOW to reach your 3-month goal?
Action Step:
Write down at least three things and TAKE ACTION!

 Next!

Review of “Change Your Habits: Change Your Life”-part 2 

I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle in my ear to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat.
Sylvester Stallone Another one of the biggest fears that we have is the fear of rejection!

We don’t ask the girl for dance because we fear rejection, we don’t send the CV because we fear rejection, we don’t even ask for the upgrade to business class or the best table in the restaurant because we fear rejection! To reach your goals in life, you will have to learn how to handle rejection. It’s a part of life and to overcome it you have to become aware that same as failure – it’s only a concept in your mind!

The most successful people are not much different from you. They are just better at handling rejection!

Now that’s something, isn’t it? On your way to your goals, you will probably have to face rejection many times. Just don’t give up. And above all don’t take rejection personally! Think about it. If you ask someone out and he or she doesn’t want to go out with you, actually nothing has changed. He or she was not going out with you before and she is not going out with you now. Your situation is the same. Rejection is not the problem; it’s the inner dialogue you start after being rejected that is the problem: “I knew I can’t do it.

I know I’m not good enough.

Father was right. I will never achieve anything in life”. The important thing is to go on! The most successful salesmen’s goal is to hear 100 “No’s” a day because they know that if they hear 100 “No’s”, there will also be some “Yes’s”. It’s a numbers game! The most successful “Don Juans” of my friends are the ones who dealt with the “No’s” the best. They knew that if they talk to 25 girls a night, eventually there will be someone who will have a drink with them.

Others gave up after hearing two or three “No’s”.

Just be prepared to get rejected many times on your way to success.

The secret is to not give up! When somebody tells you “No, thanks,” you think “NEXT”.

Did you know that Sylvester Stallone’s script for the movie “Rocky” was rejected over 70 times?  Jack Can field’s and Mark Victor Hansen’s “Chicken Soup for the Soul” was rejected 130 times and that Canfield was actually laughed at when he said that he wanted to sell 1 million books. His editor told him he‘d be lucky to sell 20,000. Well, the first book “Chicken Soup for the Soul” sold 8 million copies, the whole series about 500 million! Even J.K. Rowling’s “Harry Potter” was rejected 12 times!
Answer the following questions: What are you taking away from this chapter? How will you deal with rejection from now on?

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 Avoid energy robbers

“Energy and persistence conquer all things.” Benjamin Franklin
“The energy of the mind is the essence of life.” Aristotle
Your energy is crucial for boosting you towards your goals and happiness. Some things in your life drain your energy and then some things add energy.

Don’t underestimate the importance of energy and keep it up!

In my coaching processes, we put a lot of emphasis on activities that bring energy and cut loose things that drain the energy out of my clients’ lives. When you operate on low energy you don’t feel good, you are not happy, you send out low vibes, and chances are that you will attract what you are sending!

Stop doing or exposing yourself to things that drain your energy like unhealthy eating habits, alcohol, drugs, caffeine, sugar, tobacco, lack of exercise, negativity, sarcasm, unfocused goals, the news, and tabloid newspapers among others. All these things drain your energy. And beware of the “energy vampires” among-st your colleagues, friends, and even family.

Why would you spend time with people that only drain you? Become very selfish on how you manage your energy:

  •  Eliminate all distractions.
  • Finish your unfinished business.
  • Work on your toleration.
  • Say goodbye to all energy-robbing people and relationships.
    Questions:
    What are the energy robbers in your life? and What will you do about it?

Review of “Change Your Habits: Change Your Life”-part 2 

Manage your time

“There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all.” Peter F. Drucker
Do you work lots of overtime and still don’t have time for everything you need to do? Are you one of those people that would love to have 28 hours in a day? Well, unfortunately, you also have only 24 hours like everybody else on this planet. Oh and I’m sorry, I forgot: There is no such thing as time management! You can’t manage time.

What you can do is use your time wisely and manage your priorities.

Everyone who comes to me and most of my friends says “I don’t have time to….” The fastest way to gain time is to watch one hour less of TV every day. That’s 365 hours a year, which equals 28 hours a month! What would you do with seven extra hours a week? Another trick to gain more time is getting up earlier.

Set priorities and choose what activities to invest your time in.

Set clear rules about when you are available and when you are not available and don’t let other people steal your time. The funny thing is, the more you value your time, the more you will have of it because people will also value your time. If you allow people to interrupt you all the time, you’re essentially showing them that your time is not very valuable in which case you will not be able to work effectively, no matter how many hours you work.

Recent studies have found out that each 5-minute interruption at work costs you 12 minutes because your brain needs 7 minutes to refocus!

How many interruptions do you have per day? 10? 12? Imagine how much time you can gain back when you decrease the number of interruptions. Every 3-minute interruption costs you 10 minutes. Let’s say you get interrupted 12 times in one working day: 2 hours gone! In a month that’s like having an extra week! Don’t let employees, friends, or clients interrupt you.

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Set those clear rules NOW.

Another big-time robber is social media and e-mail. Setting fixed times for your social media activity and checking emails is another means to gain a lot of time.
I started gaining a lot of time at work when I learned to say “NO”. My personal number one time-saving technique is taking 30 to 60 minutes on Sundays to plan my week. I put my personal and professional goals for every week in my excel sheet. And don’t forget to schedule some free time, relaxation time, like power naps, reading, meditation, etc., and some buffer time for emergencies too. I also take 15 minutes every day to plan my next day. In this way, I give my subconscious mind a chance to work on it already while I sleep.

This works! When I start the next day I don’t have to think much: I just go to work. Some more time-saving tips:

Make a to-do list with the date and the time the task takes.

Limit your phone calls to 5 minutes per call.
Be aware of the result you want for each call that you make.
Work against time and you’ll get your work done faster (set an alarm clock and work against it).
Write 5 things you want for the next day each evening and list them in order of priority.
Create blocks of time (90 minutes blocks).
Track your time. Take a look at how you are currently using your time by tracking your daily activities.

 Do the unpleasant things first.  Stop being busy and go for results. Be careful with the following time robbers:

Lack of information for completing a task.
You do everything yourself (Is delegating an option?).
You get distracted easily (Focus and set boundaries!).
Your phone calls are too long (Put a 5 minutes limit).
You spend a lot of time searching for files (Get organized!)

Keep doing things the same way and don’t realize that there could be a more efficient way of doing it.

You think you have to be reachable all the time and everywhere (Really?).
So what are you going to do next? Will you insist on the excuse that you have no time or will you start making time with one little thing at a time and experience the change for yourself? What are you going to do? Remember it’s all about decisions and habits!
Action Step:
Write down 5 things you will start doing NOW!

 Start to get organized!

“Organizing is what you do before you do something so that when you do it, it is not all mixed up.” A.A.Milne
“For every minute spent organizing, an hour is earned.” Anonymous
Are you too busy to get organized? You are surrounded by mountains of paper and have post-its all over your table. And you feel you are really busy but you just can’t breathe and you just can’t handle your work even if you do extra time? THEN READ CLOSELY NOW, because I’m especially talking to YOU!
It’s not that you are too busy to get organized, it’s because you are not organized that you are so busy! And to make it worse: Being busy doesn’t mean that you are effective! Just because you have the messiest table in the office, doesn’t mean you are the one who works hardest.

There are studies that today’s executives spend between 30% and 50% of their time searching for paperwork!

Can you believe that?
So, my overwhelmed worker, go on reading and TRY OUT these little tips, as they can change your life!

I have been there and I turned it around using the little tips below:

Spend the first 15 minutes of your working day prioritizing what to do.

You spend one hour a week organizing and filing papers.
And also spend 15 minutes a day throwing away papers and clearing away your desk
Spend the last 15 minutes of your working day to go through your tasks for tomorrow. What’s important? What’s urgent?
Use your e-mail inbox as a to-do list. Tasks solved get archived and tasks unsolved stay in the inbox.
If there are any e-mails and tasks that you can do in less than 5 minutes, always do them right away! ALWAYS!
Don’t accept any new tasks until you are in control.
Do the job right the first time so that it doesn’t come back to haunt you and cost you more time later.
And Do you remember that typical colleague who always completed his work fast, but not thoroughly, and then during every step of the process you had to go back to him for more information?

Instead of doing it well one time with all of the correct documentation which takes 15 minutes, he rushed it in 5 minutes, and later you had to go back to him three more times thus losing another 30 minutes. So instead of 15 minutes he actually took 35 minutes to complete the task.

Do it right the first time!

Like everything else in this book, saying “That won’t work for me” doesn’t count as an excuse!

Try it for at least two weeks and if it still doesn’t work for you write me an email and complain to me!
Action Step:
Which of the tips will you try first?

 Say “NO” to them and “YES” to yourself

“I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.” Bill Cosby
Here is another one of these small exercises that improved my life a lot: When I stopped wanting to please others and started being myself, a lot of it came with the word “No”. Every time you say “No” when you mean “No”, you are actually saying “Yes” to yourself! Before learning to say “No”, I often went out with my friends although I didn’t want to or went to events I didn’t enjoy.

The result was I was there physically but mentally I was in another place and honestly I was not the best company.

When I decided that a “Yes” is a “Yes” and a “No” is a “No”, I felt much better. I went out less with my friends and telling them “NO” was hard at the beginning, but the result was that when I was with my friends I was fully there. In my work life, the impact was even bigger. When I started working in Spain I wanted to be a good colleague and said yes to every favor I was asked for. Guess what happened? I ended up being totally overwhelmed at work because I was asked for a lot of favors usually work nobody else wanted to do. It took me a while to put my foot down, but finally, I said “Enough!”. From then on my first answer to all questions for favors was “NO! Sorry. Can’t do it. Very busy at the moment!”

By starting to say “No” often, I improved my work life a lot and actually freed up a lot of time.

But make sure you say “NO” without feeling guilty! You can explain to the person in question that it’s not anything personal against them, but for your own well-being. I could still do my colleagues a favor, but only if I had enough time and decided to. Suddenly I was in the driver’s seat. If I was up for it I would mention to the colleague in question that I’m only doing a favor and in no case do I want to end up doing the job. Selfish? Yes! But keep in mind who the most important person in your life is. That’s right!

YOU are the most important person in your life! You have to be well!

Only if you are well yourself, can you be well towards others, and from this level, you can contribute to others, but first be well yourself. You can always buy some time and say “maybe” at first until you come to a decision. Life gets a lot easier if you start saying “No”!
Ask yourself the following questions: Whose life are you living? Are you living your own life or trying to please and fulfill the expectations of others?
Who and what are you going to say NO to starting NOW?
Action Step:
Make a list of things that you will stop doing!

Review of “Change Your Habits: Change Your Life”-part 2 

 Get up early! Sleepless!

“It is well to be up before daybreak, for such habits contribute to health, wealth, and wisdom.”
Aristotle The first benefit of getting up an hour earlier is that you gain around 365 hours per year. 365! Who said, “I don’t have time!”? When clients come to me telling me that they don’t have time, the first thing I ask them is how many hours of TV are they watching. This usually provides them with the time they
need. To those who stopped watching TV and still don’t have enough time I ask them to get up one hour earlier.

There is a very special energy in the morning hours before sunrise.

Ever since I started getting up around 5.30 or 6 o’clock, my life changed completely. I’m much more calm and relaxed and don’t start the day already running around stressed. I usually go running half an hour before the sun rises so that on my way back I see the sun rising “out of” the Mediterranean Sea. This is absolutely mind-boggling and already puts me in a state of absolute happiness. And for those of you who don’t live next to the sea: A sunrise “out of” fields, forests, or even a big city is just as exciting. Just go watch it and let me know!

Starting your day like this is very beneficial for your happiness and peace of mind.

Another great advantage of getting up earlier is that it reinforces self-discipline and you’ll gain self-respect. Many successful leaders were and still are members of the early birds club, for example, Nelson Mandela, Mahatma Gandhi, Barrack Obama, and many more.
It’s scientifically proven that 6 hours should be enough sleep per night paired with 30 to 60 minutes of a power nap in the afternoon.

Your freshness depends on the quality of your sleep, not on the quantity.

You have to try and figure out for yourself how many hours of sleep you need to feel refreshed. But you should definitively give it a try. It will improve your quality of life a lot.

Don’t forget that getting up early is a new habit, so give it some time and don’t give up after the first week if you still feel tired after getting up earlier. The habit needs at least 3 to 4 weeks to kick in. If you absolutely can’t get up one hour earlier, try half an hour. And don’t forget that your attitude, thoughts, and beliefs about getting up an hour earlier play a big role, too.

BEST BOOK FOR PERSONAL GROWTH: CHANGE YOUR HABITS- CHANGE YOUR LIFE- REVIEW PART-1

BEST BOOK FOR PERSONAL GROWTH: CHANGE YOUR HABITS- CHANGE YOUR LIFE- REVIEW PART-1

CHANGE YOUR HABITS: CHANGE YOUR LIFE-PART-1. You can start by doing little things in your life differently constantly and consistently, and over time results will show. This is how my coaching clients achieve incredible results: creating new habits and working towards their goals consistently and doing things that bring them closer to their goals every single day. BEST BOOK FOR PERSONAL GROWTH: CHANGE YOUR HABITS- CHANGE YOUR LIFE- REVIEW PART-1, It is possible! You can do it, and you deserve it!

“If you think you can you’re right, if you think you can’t you’re right” Henry Ford Look around you.

  • What do you see?
  • Look at your surroundings, the atmosphere, and the people around you. Think of your current life conditions: work, health, friends, people surrounding you. What do they look like? Are you happy with what you see? Now, look inside of you. How do you feel RIGHT NOW in this moment? Are you satisfied with your life? Are you longing for more?

Do you believe that you can be happy and successful?

  • What is missing from your life that you need to call your life happy and/or successful?
  • Why do some people seem to have everything and other people nothing?

Most people have no idea how they get what they get.

  • They are looking for outside influences to happen by chance and change everything.
  • They think life happens to them. Most of them have no idea that they can be in total control of their life every moment and every day of their lives. Sometimes they don’t even know what they want!

Q:” What would you do if you had enough time and money?”
A:” Man! That would be great! I would be happy!”
Q:” And what would ‘being happy’ look like to you?”
A:” I would do everything I want to do!”
Q:” And what is ‘everything you want to do?”
A:” Oh! Now you got me. I don’t even know!”

The true tragedy is that if they would only stop for one moment,

  • Ask themselves what they want in life, write down their goals and start working towards them, they could make those miracles happen. And the results are fabulous!

Remember: You are leading the life that you have chosen! How?

  • The good thing is that you can train your mind to give you only the things you want, and not the things that you don’t want! And it gets even better: you can learn how to deal with things that you can’t control more efficiently and less painfully.
  • What I always subconsciously knew became a structured method using the tools and exercises of coaching. For the skeptics who think that all this is metaphysical nonsense, just look at the enormous progress science has made and how it can now prove many things that only 25 years ago could only be believed without being proven.
BEST BOOK FOR PERSONAL GROWTH: CHANGE YOUR HABITS- CHANGE YOUR LIFE- REVIEW PART-1

Your happiness depends on YOU, and nobody else!

  • In this book, I want to introduce you to some proven tips, tricks, and exercises that can improve your life beyond your imagination if you practice them constantly and persistently. More good news: You don’t need to win the lottery to be happy!

You can start by doing little things in your life differently constantly and consistently, and over time results will show.

  • This is how my coaching clients achieve incredible results: creating new habits and working towards their goals consistently and doing things that bring them closer to their goals every single day.  It is possible! You can do it;  deserve it,  you have to take ACTION!
  • You have to start doing and practicing the exercises and introducing new habits into your life.

If you do the exercises in this book regularly and consistently, your life will change for the better!

  • Experts in the field of success teachings, coaching and Neuro-linguistic Programming agree that it takes 21 to 30 days to implement a new habit. 30 days that can make a difference in your life. Do the ones that come easy to you. Download them and HAVE FUN!
BEST BOOK FOR PERSONAL GROWTH: CHANGE YOUR HABITS- CHANGE YOUR LIFE- REVIEW PART-1

 Rewrite your story

  • “Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change” Wayne W. Dyer
  • Seth says you are the writer, director, and main actor of your story. change it!  It doesn’t matter what happened in your past.

Your future is a clean sheet! You can reinvent yourself!

  • Every day brings with it the opportunity to start a new life! You get to choose your identity at every moment!  It’s up to you to decide who you are going to be from this day on.

What are you going to do?

  • If you DO some of the things suggested in this book, create new habits, and do just some of the many exercises that you will find here, things will start to shift. It’s not going to be easy and you will need discipline, patience, and persistence. They rewrote their story. Now it’s your turn. Make some effort and persist, persist, persist! Don’t give up! Fasten your seatbelts and have some fun!
BEST BOOK FOR PERSONAL GROWTH: CHANGE YOUR HABITS- CHANGE YOUR LIFE- REVIEW PART-1
BEST BOOK FOR PERSONAL GROWTH: CHANGE YOUR HABITS- CHANGE YOUR LIFE- REVIEW PART-1

Self-Discipline and Commitment

“It was the character that got us out of bed, the commitment that moved us into action and discipline that enabled us to follow through.” Zig Ziglar
“If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way.” Napoleon Hill

BEST BOOK FOR PERSONAL GROWTH: CHANGE YOUR HABITS- CHANGE YOUR LIFE- REVIEW PART-1
BEST BOOK FOR PERSONAL GROWTH: CHANGE YOUR HABITS- CHANGE YOUR LIFE- REVIEW PART-1

Your way to success and happiness is deeply connected to your willpower and commitment.

  • These character traits will decide whether you do what you said you would do and go through with it. If you train to be self-disciplined and have the will to succeed, you can do great things in your life. You can start training your self-discipline and willpower from this moment on! Self-discipline is like a muscle.
  • The more you train it, the better you get. If your self-discipline is weak right now, start training it by setting yourself small, reachable goals. Write down the success you have and keep in mind that you don’t have limits only the ones you set for yourself.

What is your word worth?

  • Take your commitments seriously! To avoid this, you have to become aware of what is important to you and act in line with your values.

A commitment is a choice! Only make commitments that you really want.

  • That can mean fewer commitments and more “NOs”. If you commit keep your commitment whatever it takes. Give them the importance and value that they deserve and be aware of the consequences of not keeping them. Time to take action!

In what areas are you lacking self-discipline at the moment?

Be completely honest.

  • What benefits will you obtain if you had more self-discipline? What will be your first step towards reaching your goal?
  • Write down your plan of action in small steps. Give yourself deadlines.
  • How will you know you’ve reached your goal of having more self-discipline in _______?
BEST BOOK FOR PERSONAL GROWTH: CHANGE YOUR HABITS- CHANGE YOUR LIFE- REVIEW PART-1
BEST BOOK FOR PERSONAL GROWTH: CHANGE YOUR HABITS- CHANGE YOUR LIFE- REVIEW PART-1

Take full responsibility for your life!

  • “Peak performance begins with your taking complete responsibility for your life and everything that happens to you.” Brian Tracy
  • “Most people do not want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility.” Sigmund Freud
  • There is only one person that’s responsible for your life and that is YOU! Not your boss, not your spouse, not your parents, not your friends, not your clients, not the economy, not the weather.
  • YOU! The day we stop blaming others for everything that happens in our life, everything changes!

Taking responsibility for your life is taking charge of your life and becoming the protagonist of it.

  • It doesn’t matter what happens to you in your life; it matters what attitude you adopt. And the attitude you adopt is your choice!

If you blame your life situation on others, what has to happen to make your life better?

  • All of the others have to change! And that my friend I tell you, is not going to happen. If you are the protagonist, YOU have the power to change the things that you don’t like in your life! You are in control of your thoughts, actions, and feelings.
  • You are in control of your words, the series you watch on TV, and the people you spend your time with. If you don’t like your results, change your input – your thoughts, emotions, and expectations. Stop reacting to others and start responding.

The reaction is automatic. Responding is consciously choosing your response.

  • You take your life into your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame – Erica Jong

The person with a “victim mentality” only reacts, is always innocent, and constantly blames others for his or her life situation,

  • while using the past as justification and putting their hopes on a future that will miraculously bring solutions to problems or a change in others who are causing the troubles.
  • The protagonist knows that he or she is responsible, chooses adequate behavior, and holds himself accountable. He uses the past as a valuable experience from which to learn, lives in the present where he sees constant opportunities for change, and decides and goes after his future goals.

The most important question is:

  • “Who will you choose to be by your actions when life presents you with these circumstances?”
  • Gandhi said it very nicely: “They can’t take away our self-respect if we don’t give it to them.”

Ask yourself the following questions: Who are you blaming for your life situation right now?

  • (Your partner? boss? parents? friends?) What would happen if you stopped blaming others for what happens to you in your life?
  • What would happen if you would stop being a victim of the circumstances?
  • Is it comfortable for you to be the victim? benefits does it have for you to be a victim?
  • What would happen if you stopped suffering in your life and took the decision to change it? would you change?
  • Where could you start?
  • How would you start?
  • Action Step:
  • Write down five things that you can do in the coming week to start changing the course and start taking charge of your life.
Optimal Health - decision words indicates choice choices and deciding - Optimal Health - Health Is True Wealth.
BEST BOOK FOR PERSONAL GROWTH: CHANGE YOUR HABITS- CHANGE YOUR LIFE- REVIEW PART-1

 Choices and Decisions

  • “Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • Maybe you have heard that your life is the result of the decisions you made. How do you feel about that? Is this true for you? It’s important that from now on, you are aware of the power you have over your life by making decisions!
  • Every decision, every choice has an important influence on your life.  Start making better choices. Remember that you choose your thoughts and even your feelings.
BEST BOOK FOR PERSONAL GROWTH: CHANGE YOUR HABITS- CHANGE YOUR LIFE- REVIEW PART-1
BEST BOOK FOR PERSONAL GROWTH: CHANGE YOUR HABITS- CHANGE YOUR LIFE- REVIEW PART-1

YOUR ATTITUDE + YOUR DECISIONS = YOUR LIFE

The most important thing is how we RESPOND to what happens to us in our lives. And that is a CHOICE!

  • Do you want to be healthier?
  • Make better choices about food and exercise.
  • Do you want to be more successful?
  • Make better decisions about who you surround yourself with, what you read, and what you watch.
  • There are no excuses!
  • Questions to ask yourself:
  • What decisions could you make today to start to change?
  • Will you choose to be more flexible? More positive? Healthier? Happier?
BEST BOOK FOR PERSONAL GROWTH: CHANGE YOUR HABITS- CHANGE YOUR LIFE- REVIEW PART-1
BEST BOOK FOR PERSONAL GROWTH: CHANGE YOUR HABITS- CHANGE YOUR LIFE- REVIEW PART-1

Choose your thoughts

  • “The universe changes; our life is what our thoughts make it.” Marcus Aurelius
  • “You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you.” James Allen
  • If you want to improve your life, the first thing you have to do is improve your thoughts.
  • By controlling your thoughts, ultimately you control your life and your destiny. So observe your thoughts now and then.
  • Peace Pilgrim‘s quote “If you realized how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought.” says it all: don’t get stuck in negative thoughts.

Think positive! A positively thinking person is not a dreamer, who thinks there are no problems in life.

  • Positive thinking is to see reality as it is, accept it, and make the best of it. Train your mind to concentrate only on positive, creative, and inspiring thoughts.
  • Your thoughts are energy and the energy follows the thought. Thoughts create emotions, which create behavior, which create actions, and those actions have consequences in your daily life.

THOUGHT EMOTION BEHAVIOR ACTION

  • Your thoughts depend on your beliefs about life.  If you change your beliefs, you will get new results!
  • Practice a thought often enough so that it becomes a belief, and your behavior and actions will follow its lead. For instance, if you constantly worry about not having enough money, you’ll create behaviors based on fear. You’ll play smaller. You’ll try to hang on to the money you have versus playing to win.
  • Action Step:
  • Try to have no negative thoughts for 48 hours. Block them from the first moment and substitute them with positive thoughts of love, peace, and compassion. Even if it seems difficult at the beginning, hang in there. It gets easier. Then try this for 5 days, and finally a week. What has changed in your life since you started thinking positively?
BEST BOOK FOR PERSONAL GROWTH: CHANGE YOUR HABITS- CHANGE YOUR LIFE- REVIEW PART-1
BEST BOOK FOR PERSONAL GROWTH: CHANGE YOUR HABITS- CHANGE YOUR LIFE- REVIEW PART-1

 What do you believe?

  • “These then are my last words to you. Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact.” William James
  • “The outer conditions of a person’s life will always be found to reflect their inner beliefs” James Allen
  • What do you believe? You create what you believe and your world is only your interpretation of reality.

Our perception is only an approximation of reality.

  • Each one of us sees the world through the lenses of our own beliefs. Does this sound like hocus-pocus to you? 
  • Studies on these subjects out there show how powerful our thoughts and beliefs are! It’s the conscious and unconscious information that we accept as true.
  • Robert Dilts defines beliefs as judgments and assessments about ourselves, others, and the world around us.

A belief is a habitual thought pattern.

  • Beliefs are like a self-fulfilling prophecy. They work like this: your beliefs influence your emotions, your emotions influence your actions and your actions influence your RESULTS!

I want you to realize that life doesn’t just happen to you!

  • It’s a reflection of your beliefs, thoughts, and expectations. If you want to change your life you have to first change your patterns of thinking.
  • Nobody can impose your beliefs on you. Believing in yourself is an attitude. It’s a choice! Remember what Henry Ford said! If you think that you won’t make it, For many decades it was thought impossible that man could run a mile under four minutes. There were even scientific papers and studies on the subject.
  • One can’t be totally happy as there is always something that goes wrong.
  • Life is tough.
  • Showing emotions is for weak people.
  • I’m helpless and have no control over my life.
  • I don’t deserve it.
  • Nobody loves me.
  • I can’t.

It’s impossible.

  •  I create my destiny.
  •  Nobody can hurt me if I don’t allow it.
  • Life is great!
  • Everything happens for a reason.
  • I can do it!
  • Everything is going to be all right.
    What do I believe to be true about myself?  are my beliefs concerning money? What are my beliefs concerning my relationships? are my beliefs about my body?

To change a belief follow this exercise and say to yourself:

1) This is only my belief about reality. That doesn’t mean that it is the reality.
3) Create emotions that are opposite to the belief.
4) Imagine the opposite.
5) Be aware that the belief is only an idea that you have about reality and not reality itself.
6) For just 10 minutes a day ignore what seems to be real and act as if your wish has come true.

(See yourself spending money, being healthy, more successful, etc.)

Alternative exercise:

1) Write down the limiting belief.
2) Remember the sequence: belief – emotion – action – result.

3) To get a different result – in what way do you need to act?
4) How do you need to feel to act differently and get a different result?
5) What do you need to believe to feel differently, act differently, and get a different result?

BEST BOOK FOR PERSONAL GROWTH: CHANGE YOUR HABITS- CHANGE YOUR LIFE- REVIEW PART-1
BEST BOOK FOR PERSONAL GROWTH: CHANGE YOUR HABITS- CHANGE YOUR LIFE- REVIEW PART-1

 The Importance of your Attitude

  • “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances”-Victor Frankl
  • Your Attitude is crucial for your happiness! It can change your way of seeing things dramatically and also your way of facing them.
  • You will suffer less in life if you accept the rules of the game. Life is made up of laughter and tears, light and shadow. You have to accept the bad moments by changing your way of looking at them.
  • Everything that happens to you is a challenge and an opportunity at the same time. Look at the positive side of things in life even in the worst situations. I’ll tell you again: it’s not what happens in your life that’s important; it’s how you respond to what happens to you that makes your life!

Life is a chain of moments some happy, some sad and it depends on you to make the best of every one of those moments.

  • Did your wife leave you?
  • Losing your job might open new doors.
  • Many years ago all of the successful teachers and positive thinkers described it this way: “If life gives you a lemon, add sugar to it, and make lemonade out of it”. Younger readers might say that “If life gives you a lemon, ask for some salt and Tequila”.
  • You get the point, don’t you?
  • Allow yourself to make mistakes and learn from them.
  • Admit that there are things you don’t know.
  • Dare to ask for help and let other people help you.
  • Action Step: Think of a negative situation and turn it around.
Optimal Health - perspective2 - Optimal Health - Health Is True Wealth.
BEST BOOK FOR PERSONAL GROWTH: CHANGE YOUR HABITS- CHANGE YOUR LIFE- REVIEW PART-1

Perspective is everything

“The optimist sees the doughnut, the pessimist sees the hole.”- Oscar Wilde

  • Put things into perspective! The closer you are to the problem and the more in front of it, the less you see. Step back and get a more global view of it.
  • Understand how you feel faced with the problem and evaluate the real importance of it. Even seeing the problem as a challenge will be helpful!
  • Every negative experience in your life has something good in its search for it! If you get into the habit of always searching for the good in every situation you will change the quality of your life drastically.

Can you feel the difference? Here are some more examples of re-framing:

  • Your vision of the world and your perspective “decide” if something is “good” or “bad”. What may be a great tragedy to you could be a wake-up call for me to take my life into my hands and thrive.
  • In coaching, we use what is called “Re-framing” to change the perspective that a client has an event. One of my favorites is changing “Failure” to “Feedback” or “Learning experience”.
BEST BOOK FOR PERSONAL GROWTH: CHANGE YOUR HABITS- CHANGE YOUR LIFE- REVIEW PART-1
BEST BOOK FOR PERSONAL GROWTH: CHANGE YOUR HABITS- CHANGE YOUR LIFE- REVIEW PART-1

Have patience and never give up!

  • “Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time” Thomas Alva Edison
  • “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” Winston Churchill
  • There is great virtue in never giving up.

The top two habits that will decide between success and failure, between real change and staying in the same places are patience and perseverance.

  • If your plans don’t work out see it as a temporary defeat, and not as a permanent failure. Come up with a new plan and try again. This is the point at which most people give up: They lack patience and persistence in working out new plans!

Don’t confuse this with persistently pursuing a plan that doesn’t work!

  • If something doesn’t work…change it! Persistence means persistence toward achieving your goal.

Don’t throw your goal away at the first sign of misfortune or opposition.

  • Think of Thomas Edison and his ten thousand attempts to make the light bulb. Fail towards success like he did! Persistence is a state of mind.

Cultivate it. If you fall, get up, shake off the dust, and keep on moving towards your goal.

The habit of persistence is built as follows:

  • 1. Have a clear goal and the burning desire to achieve it.
  • 2. Make a clear plan and act on it with daily action steps.
  • 3. Be immune to all negative and discouraging influences.
  • 4. Have a support system of one or more people who will encourage you to
    follow through with your actions and to pursue your goals.

Learn the “Edison Mentality”- “I failed myself to success”

  • Thomas Alva Edison “It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.
  • Theodore Roosevelt Let’s talk about failure! This subject is so important and yet so misunderstood! Paulo Coelho hits the spot when he says “There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.”

The fear of failure is the number one dream killer, but why?

  • Why are we so afraid of failure? can’t we see it like Napoleon Hill who indicated that “Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit?” Or in other words, how would our lives change if we could see failure exactly as Napoleon Hill did?

Why not see it as a learning experience that is necessary for growth and which provides us with information and motivation?

  • What would happen if you could fully embrace the idea that in reality failure is a sign that points towards progress?
  • Learn the “Edison Mentality”. Edison himself said things like “I failed myself to success” or “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” This is what enabled him to bring many of his inventions to us.

The man just didn’t give up! Accept your mistakes as feedback and learn from them!

  • How did you learn to walk? By falling many times and always getting up again. Unfortunately, somewhere along the road, you picked up the idea that failure is something terrible.

NOW is the time to change your mentality towards failure!

  • At the end of the day, it comes down to this: Success is the result of the right decisions. Right decisions are the result of experience, and experience is the result of wrong decisions.

Here is a story of a famous “failure” that literally failed his way to success:

  • This is the story of Abraham Lincoln, a man we would not exactly characterize as a failure, would we?
  • Lost job, 1832
  • Defeated for the legislature, 1832
  • Failed in business, 1833
  • Elected to the legislature, 1834
  • Sweetheart (Ann Rutledge) died, 1835
  • Had nervous breakdown, 1836
  • Defeated for nomination for Congress, 1843
  • Lost re-nomination, 1848
  • Defeated for Senate, 1854
  • Rejected for Land Officer, 1849
  • Defeated for Speaker, 1838
  • Again defeated for Senate, 1858 Elected President, 1860
  • Defeated for nomination for Vice-President, 1856

Change Your Habits: Change Your Life 

  • And here are some other famous failures: Michael Jordan: cut from his high school basketball team.
  • Steven Spielberg: rejected from film school three times.
  • Walt Disney: fired by the editor of a newspaper for lacking ideas and imagination.
  • Albert Einstein: He learned to speak at a late age and performed poorly in school.
  • John Gresham: the first novel was rejected by sixteen agents and twelve publishing houses.
  • Stephen King: his first book “Carrie” was rejected 30 times. He threw it in the trash. His wife retrieved it from the trash and encouraged him to try again.
  • Oprah Winfrey: fired from her television reporting job as “not suitable for television.”
  • The Beatles: told by a record company that they have “no future in show business”.
    What did you learn from it? and what was the positive you got out of it?

BOOK SUMMARY OF “CHANGE YOUR HABITS, CHANGE YOUR LIFE” PART 3

Review of "Change Your Habits: Change Your Life"-part 2 
Review of “Change Your Habits: Change Your Life”-part 2

50 REASONS TO READ BOOKS

50 REASONS TO READ BOOKS

50 REASONS TO READ BOOKS. DEAR FRIEND, YOU MUST READ SOME LIFE-CHANGING BOOKS. READING & WRITING, LEARNING & TEACHING, ALL ARE PART OF LIFE.

DEVELOP A HABIT;

  1. VERY SIMPLE BY USING METHOD.
  2. START KEEPING A BOOK NEARBY; BEDSIDE AND WITHIN BAG.
  3. DAILY TURN PAGES, IF POSSIBLE, OTHERWISE KEPT BEDSIDE ONLY.
  4. AFTER 15-20 DAYS, YOU FEEL “YOU CAN TOUCH, TURN PAGE, BACKSIDE READING.
  5. NOW YOU ARE KNOWING, THAT SOMETHING IS BETTER FOR YOU IN THAT BOOK.

NOW, YOU JUST READ 1-2 PAGES DAILY.

  1. AFTER FEW MONTHS, YOU CAN FINISH ONE BOOK.
  2. GREAT START. GOOD JOB. WELL DONE.
  3. NOW, YOU CAN TRY TO FINISH A BOOK WITHIN 15-20 DAYS.
  4. VERY SOON, YOU CAN READ A BOOK FOR ONLY 1 WEEK.
  5. 1 BOOK WITHIN 1 WEEK, MEANS 4 BOOKS IN A MONTH.
  6. 4 BOOKS IN A MONTH MEANS, 52 BOOKS IN A YEAR.
  7.  POWER READING TECHNIQUE: Brian Tracy’s Power Reading and Writing. 
  8. 20+ BEST BOOKS FOR PERSONALITY GROWTH READ IN 2021

50 REASONS TO READ BOOKS

  • 1. Books help to feel more confident.
  • 2. Books help to travel around the world most cheaply.
  • 3. Books develop your personality.
  • 4. Books provide food for thought.
  • 5. Books make you laugh and think.
  • 6. Books draw you towards perfection.
  • 7. Books stimulate creativity.
  • 8. Books bring out writing talent.
  • 9. Books help in communicating.
  • 10. Books clear your vision.
  • 11. Books satisfy your curiosity.
  • 12. Books help you make more choices.
  • 13. Books help you build literary talent.
  • 14. Books do not require any special device to teach.
  • 15. Books increase your attention span.
  • 16. Books are a fruitful pastime.
  • 17. Books can be used anytime, anywhere.
  • 18. Books provide entertainment when others fail.
  • 19. Books make you powerful.
  • 20. Books help you know the ‘Whys’ and ‘Hows’ of everything.
  • 21. Books help you to create and spread the fun.
  • 22. Books help you travel across time intelligently.
  • 23. Books keep you updated with facts and figures.
  • 24. Books spread love, affection, and knowledge.
  • 25. Books make the best of friends.
  • 26. Books take you to an intellectual environment.
  • 27. Books help you feel the world around you.
  • 28. Books entertain your mind.
  • 29. Books broaden your horizon.
  • 30. Books bring Nature to your doorstep.
  • 31. Books bring about a ‘personality change’.
  • 32. Books increase comprehension.
  • 33. Books do not require company.
  • 34. Books are stress-busters.
  • 35. Books develop a sense of belonging to people around you.
  • 36. Books provide mental and physical relaxation.
  • 37. Books act as a communication tool.
  • 38. Books are intellectually satisfying activities.
  • 39. Books provide spiritual experience.
  • 40. Books provide emotional strength.
  • 41. Books build your self-esteem.
  • 42. Books help and encourage your imagination to soar.
  • 43. Books make you smarter and wiser.
  • 44. Books help you grow.
  • 45. Books take you to a ‘world of dreams.
  • 46. Books can change your life and vision.
  • 47. Books help in achieving ‘life goals.
  • 48. Books develop wonderful experiences.
  • 49. Books transform lives.
  • 50. Books inspire, books motivate, books build
  1. Brian Tracy’s Power Reading and Writing.
  2. nationshttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3IGKBrBoUs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AWyAV0TRuUQ

THE 21 ABSOLUTELY UNBREAKABLE LAWS OF MONEY

Quote

THE 21 ABSOLUTELY UNBREAKABLE LAWS OF MONEY

THE 21 ABSOLUTELY UNBREAKABLE LAWS OF MONEY. By Brian Tracy THE 21 GREATEST LAWS OF SUCCESS IN LIFE

Laws

The Law of Cause and Effect:

  • Everything happens for a reason; there is a cause for every effect.

The Law of Belief:

  • Whatever you truly believe, with feeling, becomes your reality.

BOOK SUMMARY OF “CHANGE YOUR HABITS, CHANGE YOUR LIFE” (PART 1)

THE 21 ABSOLUTELY UNBREAKABLE LAWS OF MONEY

The Law of Expectations:

  • Whatever you expect, with confidence, becomes your self-fulfilling prophecy.

The Law of Attraction:

  • You are a living magnet; you invariably attract into your life the people, situations, and circumstances that are in harmony with your dominant thoughts.

The Law of Correspondence:

  • Your outer world is a reflection of your inner world and corresponds with your dominant patterns of thinking.

The Law of Abundance:

  • We live in an abundant universe in which there is sufficient money for all who want it and are willing to obey the laws governing its acquisition.

The Law of Exchange:

  • Money is the medium through which people exchange their labor in the production of goods and services for the goods and services of others.

The Law of Capital:

  • Your most valuable asset, in terms of cash flow, is your physical and mental capital, your earning ability.

THE 21 ABSOLUTELY UNBREAKABLE LAWS OF MONEY

The Law of Time Perspective:

  • The most successful people in any society are those who consider the longest period when making their day-to-day decisions.

The Law of Saving:

  • Financial freedom comes to the person who saves ten percent or more of his income throughout his lifetime.

The Law of Conservation:

  • It’s not how much you make, but how much you keep, that determines your financial future.

Parkinson’s Law:

  • Expenses rise to meet income.

The Law of Three:

  • There are three legs to the stool of financial freedom: savings, insurance, and investment.

The Law of Investing:

  • Investigate before you invest.

The Law of Compound Interest:

  • Investing your money carefully and allowing it to grow at compound interest will eventually make you rich.

THE 21 ABSOLUTELY UNBREAKABLE LAWS OF MONEY

The Law of Accumulation:

  • Every great financial achievement is an accumulation of hundreds of small efforts and sacrifices that no one ever sees or appreciates.

The Law of Magnetism:

  • The more money you save and accumulate, the more money you attract into your life.

The Law of Accelerating Acceleration:

  • The faster you move toward financial freedom, the faster it moves toward you.

The Law of the Stock Market:

  • The value of a stock is the total anticipated cash flow from the stock discounted to the present day.

The Law of Real Estate:

  • The value of a piece of Real Estate in the future earning power of that particular piece of property.

The Law of the Internet:

  • The Internet is a tool for rapid communication of information of all kinds.

THE 48 LAW’S OF POWER BOOK SUMMARY IN ENGLISH

How To Be Rich (Hindi)

 शक्ति के 48 नियम: 1-10 | Book Summary Of The 48 Laws Of Power In Hindi By Robert Greene

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 शक्ति के 48 नियम: 1-10 | Book Summary Of The 48 Laws Of Power In Hindi By Robert Greene

शक्ति के 48 नियम: 1-10 | Book Summary Of The 48 Laws Of Power In Hindi By Robert Greene. बिजली के इतिहास के 3000 साल से तैयार है, इस में पाठकों की सहायता करने के लिए निश्चित गाइड खुद के लिए लक्ष्य को हासिल क्या महारानी एलिजाबेथ, हेनरी किसिंजर, लुई XIV और मैकियावेली मुश्किल तरीके से सीखा है। कभी भी गुरु शक्ति के 48 नियम | The 48 Laws Of Power In Hindi By Robert Greene, नियम १: से आगे न बढ़ें कानून २: कभी भी दोस्तों पर बहुत अधिक भरोसा न करें; दुश्मनों का इस्तेमाल करना सीखें कानून 3: अपने इरादों को छुपाएं कानून 4: हमेशा जरूरत से कम बोलें।

पाठ बोल्ड और सुरुचिपूर्ण है,

पूरे काले और लाल रंग में रखा गया है और दंतकथाओं और अद्वितीय शब्द मूर्तियों से परिपूर्ण है। 48 कानूनों को अतीत की महान हस्तियों की रणनीति, विजय और विफलताओं के माध्यम से चित्रित किया गया है, जिन्होंने सत्ता का शिकार किया है – या सत्ता के शिकार हुए हैं। सत्ता के 3,000 वर्षों के इतिहास से तैयार, पाठकों को अपने लिए क्या हासिल करने में मदद करने के लिए यह निश्चित मार्गदर्शिका है।  The 48 Laws Of Power (The Modern Machiavellian Robert Greene) Buy on amazon https://amzn.to/2OF5sve

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शक्ति का नियम 1- अपने बॉस या सीनियर्स को उनसे अधिक बुद्धिमत्ता और स्मार्टनेस दिखाने की कोसिस कभी ना करें ।

शक्ति का नियम 1- अपने बॉस या सीनियर्स को उनसे अधिक बुद्धिमत्ता और स्मार्टनेस दिखाने की कोसिस कभी ना करें ।

  • उन्हें प्रभावित करने के लिए अपने हुनर को अत्यधिक प्रदर्शित ना करें,
  • एसा करने करने से उनमें आपके प्रति काबीलियत और असुरक्षा उत्पन्न होती है जिससे वे आपको किसी भी तरह नुकसान पहुंचा सकते हैं |
  • कभी भी मास्टर से ऊपर न हों, हमेशा ऊपर वाले को आप आराम से श्रेष्ठ समझते हैं।
  • उन्हें खुश करने या प्रभावित करने की आपकी इच्छा में, अपनी प्रतिभा प्रदर्शित करने में बहुत दूर न जाएं या आप विपरीत-प्रेरणा भय और असुरक्षा को पूरा कर सकते हैं।
  • अपने आकाओं को उनकी तुलना में अधिक शानदार दिखाई दें,
  • आप सत्ता की ऊंचाइयों को प्राप्त करेंगे।

उदारहण-

  •  उदारहण- सत्रहवीं सताब्दी के राजा Louis 14 के वित्त मंत्री Nikola Fouquet ने अपने राजा Louis 14 को प्रभावित करने के लिए उसके सम्मान में एक पार्टी का आयोजन किया, राजा को प्रभावित करने के लिए उसने उस पार्टी में बहुत खर्च किया जिसके परिणामस्वरूप राजा ने Nikola Fouquet को अधिक सरकारी खजाना खर्च करने के अपराध में जेल में डाल दिया।
  • हमेशा अपने से बड़े सीनियर्स को ये महसूस कराएं कि वो आपसे बेहतर और प्रतिभाशाली हैं, इस तरह आप कामयाबी की ऊँची सीडियों को हासिल कर सकेंगे |
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शक्ति के 48 नियम | Book Summary Of The 48 Laws Of Power In Hindi By Robert Greene

शक्ति का नियम 2- अपने दोस्तों पर अधिक विश्वास ना करें, उन्हें सभी राज की चीजें ना बताएं ।

  • अक्सर दोस्तों में आसानी से ईर्ष्या उत्पन्न हो जाती है, जिससे वो आपकी प्रगति देखकर आपको कभी भी दोखा दे सकते हैं और नुकसान पहुंचा सकते हैं, दोस्तों के बीच में चले गए, जहां दोस्तों का उपयोग करने के लिए सावधान रहना चाहिए, वे आपको और अधिक जल्दी से धोखा देंगे, क्योंकि वे आसानी से ईर्ष्या करने के लिए पैदा होते हैं।
  • वे भी खराब और अत्याचारी बन जाते हैं। लेकिन एक पूर्व दुश्मन को किराए पर लें और वह एक दोस्त की तुलना में अधिक वफादार होगा, क्योंकि उसके पास साबित करने के लिए अधिक है।
  • वास्तव में, आपको दुश्मनों से ज्यादा दोस्तों से डरना पड़ता है।
  • यदि आपके कोई दुश्मन नहीं हैं, तो उन्हें बनाने का एक तरीका खोजें।

उदाहरण

  • – Byzantine राज्य के राजा Michael III को Basilius ने मरने से बचाया था ।जिससे Michael ने Basilius की बहादुरी से प्रभावित होकर उसको उसने घोड़ो के प्रशिक्षक से अपने अस्तबल का मुखिया बना दिया, और बाद में उसे एक अच्छे विध्यालय में शिक्षा दिलाई और पढ़ा लिखा इंसान बनाया गया, बाद में Basilius ने ही राजा Michael को मार दिया, क्यों कि वो अधिक अधिकार चाहता था |
  • इसलिए आपको अपने शत्रुओं से अधिक अपने दोस्तों से डरने की जरूरत है, क्यों कि वर्तमान समय में लोग बहुत ही खुदगर्ज हैं, और बदले में कुछ ना कुछ चाहते हैं उन पर आसानी से भरोसा नहीं किया जा सकता ।
  • आपके पुराने प्रतियोगी दोस्तों से अलग नए अच्छे दोस्त भी बन सकते हैं |
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शक्ति के 48 नियम | Book Summary Of The 48 Laws Of Power In Hindi By Robert Greene

शक्ति का नियम 3- अपने काम के इरादे तथा उद्देश्यों को कभी किसी को भी ना बताएं,

  • अपने उद्देश्यों को हमेशा लोगों से छुपाकर रखें क्यों कि लोग आपके इरादों को आपके विरुद्ध स्तेमाल कर सकते हैं, शणयन्त्र रच सकते हैं ।
  • LAW 3 अपने इरादों को पूरा करें लोगों को ऑफ-बैलेंस रखें,
  • और अंधेरे में कभी भी अपने कार्यों के पीछे के उद्देश्य का खुलासा न करें।
  • यदि आपके पास कोई सुराग नहीं है कि आप क्या कर रहे हैं, तो वे एक रक्षा तैयार नहीं कर सकते।
  • उन्हें गलत रास्ते से काफी दूर गाइड करें, उन्हें पर्याप्त धुएं में ढंक दें,
  • और जब तक वे आपके इरादों को महसूस नहीं करेंगे, तब तक बहुत देर हो चुकी होगी।

उदारहण-

  • Marquis De Sevigne जिस औरत से प्यार करते थे, उस लेडी को उन्होंने अपनी सारी फीलिंग्स और भविष्य के उद्देश्य बता दिए जिसका परिणाम ये हुआ कि उस लेडी को Marquis में कोई दिलचस्पी नहीं रही ।
  • आप लोगों को केवल वही बात बताएं जो लोग आपसे सुनना चाहते हैं ना कि जो आप उन्हें बताना चाहते हैं ।
  • अपनी जुबान को आप अभ्यास से नियंत्रण में ला सकते हैं इसके लिए आप अपने शब्दों का चयन ध्यान से कीजिए ।
  • जब लोगों को आपके भविष्य के उद्दश्यों का पता नहीं होगा तो वे आपके विरुद्ध कोई चालाकी या शणयन्त्र नहीं बना सकते ।

शक्ति का नियम 4 – कोशिश करें कि लोगों के समक्ष कम बोलें,

  • जितना आप कम बोलते हो आपकी भाषा और व्यक्तित्व उतना ही अधिक प्रभावशाली होता है,
  • जिससे लोग आप पर अधिक ध्यान देते हैं और अपनी बातों को आपसे अधिक से अधिक साझा करते हैं,
  • जिसका इस्तेमाल आप भविष्य में विपरीत समय पर उनके विरुद्ध स्तेमाल कर सकते हो।
  • अपनी बात बताने के बजाय लोगों की बातें अधिक सुनें ।
  • LAW 4 जब आप लोगों को शब्दों से प्रभावित करने की कोशिश कर रहे हैं, तो आप जितना कहेंगे, उतना ही सामान्य दिखाई देगा और नियंत्रण में कम होगा।
  • यहां तक ​​कि अगर आप कुछ भोज कह रहे हैं, तो यह मूल होगा यदि आप इसे अस्पष्ट, खुले-अंत और स्फिंक्स बनाते हैं।
  • शक्तिशाली लोग प्रभावित करते हैं और कम कहने पर डराते हैं।
  • जितना अधिक आप कहते हैं, उतनी ही संभावना है कि आप कुछ मूर्खतापूर्ण कहते हैं।

उदारहण-

  • रोम का एक लोकप्रिय योद्धा Coriolanus जिसने अनेकों बार रोम के लिए जंग लड़ी थी, जिसे लोग दिल से चाहते थे जो 17 साल मिलिट्री में काम करने के बाद राजनीति में आया ।
  • लोग उसकी वीरता, देशभक्ति और भाषण से अधिक प्रभावित हुए, लेकिन चुनावी समय में उसे बड़े- बड़े लोगों के साथ देखा गया, उसने आम लोगों को नजरअंदाज कर अपने प्रतिगियो का मजाक उड़ाया, परिणाम स्वरुप अधिक बोलने से लोगों ने उसका बहिष्कार किया |
  • अधिक बोलने से आप साधारण और मूर्ख लगते हो, जितनी जरूरत हो उतनी ही बात करें, बातों को लोगों के सामने अस्पष्ट और रहस्यपूर्ण ढंग से प्रस्तुत करें, जिससे लोगों की दिलचस्पी आपमें बनी रहेगी ।
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शक्ति के 48 नियम | Book Summary Of The 48 Laws Of Power In Hindi By Robert Greene

शक्ति का नियम 5- आपकी प्रतिष्ठा आपकी शक्ति का आधार है इस पर बहुत कुछ निर्भर करता है इसे हमेशा सम्हाल कर रखें ।

  • प्रतिष्ठा से आप लोगों को समय पढने पर भयभीत कर सकते हैं लोगों को जीत सकते हैं ।
    LAW 5 अपने जीवन प्रतिष्ठा के साथ प्रतिष्ठा-गारंटी आईटी पर इतने बड़े लाभ की शक्ति की आधारशिला है।
  • अकेले प्रतिष्ठा के माध्यम से आप डरा सकते हैं और जीत सकते हैं; एक बार जब यह फिसल जाता है, तो आप कमजोर होते हैं, और सभी पक्षों पर हमला किया जाएगा।
  • अपनी प्रतिष्ठा को अनुपलब्ध बनाओ।
  • संभावित हमलों के लिए हमेशा सतर्क रहें और ऐसा होने से पहले उन्हें नाकाम कर दें।
  • इस बीच, अपनी प्रतिष्ठा में छेद खोलकर अपने दुश्मनों को नष्ट करने के लिए लीक।
  • फिर एक तरफ खड़े हों और जनता की राय उन्हें लटका दें।

उदारहण-

  • दूसरे विश्व युद्ध में Erwin को उनकी बेहतरीन Gun Skill के लिए जाना जाता था, जिससे शत्रु उनका सामना करने से डरते थे और विना लड़े ही demoralise हो जाते थे । आपसे पहले आपकी प्रतिष्ठा आती है लोग आपको आपकी reputation से जानते हैं ।
  • किसी क्षेत्र में अपनी प्रतिष्ठा बनाने के लिए आपको कठिन मेहनत करनी पड़ेगी, जब पहली बार आप किसी क्षेत्र में अपनी प्रतिष्ठा बनाते हैं तो इसे बहुत ही ध्यान से बनाएं, क्यों कि आपके प्रतिद्वंदी और जलने वाले लोग आपकी प्रतिष्ठा बिगाड़ने के लिए कुछ भी करेंगे |

शक्ति का नियम 6- हर कीमत पर, विशिष्ट बनें।

  • अपने आप को भीड़ में शामिल ना करें क्यों कि जो चीज दिखती नहीं उसकी कोई अहमियत नहीं ।
  • किसी भी कीमत पर लोगों का ध्यान आकर्षित करना सीखें,
  • भीड़ से अलग अपनी एक अलग पहिचान बनाएं जिससे आप लोगों की नजरों में बने रहेंगे और उनका ध्यान आकर्षित करते रहेगें ।
  • LAW 6 COURT ATTENTION AT ALL COST सब कुछ अपनी उपस्थिति से आंका जाता है; कुछ भी नहीं के लिए अनदेखी मायने रखता है।
  • कभी अपने आप को भीड़ में खो जाने दो, या फिर गुमनामी में दफन कर दो।

अलग दिखना।

  • उदारहण- Spain के मशहूर पेंटर Picasso जो कभी नहीं चाहते थे,
  • कि लोग उन्हें भूल जाएँ इसलिए वो या तो सबसे अच्छी पेंटिंग बनाते थे या सबसे भद्दी,
  • उनका मानना था कि पब्लिसिटी चाहे कैसी भी हो वो आपके लिए अच्छी है,
  • आपकी छवि कैसी भी हो लेकिन अगर आपने एक बार अपनी छवि बना ली तो आप लोगों की नज़रों में रहेंगे |
  • ध्यान आकर्षित करने की कला किसी में भी जन्म से नहीं होती इसे आपको सीखना होगा,
  • आपको अपनी इस तरह की छवि बनानी होगी जिससे आपका नाम और प्रतिष्ठा उससे जुड़ जाए और आप भीड़ से अगल दिखें |
Optimal Health - 012cb53b162cdb73d492e86bd812b2b2 - Optimal Health - Health Is True Wealth.
शक्ति के 48 नियम | Book Summary Of The 48 Laws Of Power In Hindi By Robert Greene

शक्ति का नियम 7- लोगों से काम लेना सीखिए, खुद कभी वो काम मत कीजिये जो दूसरे लोग आपके लिए कर सकते हैं ।

  • लोगों से अपने लिए काम लीजिये और उनका क्रेडिट खुद ले लीजिये ।
  • कभी भी खुद ऐसा न करें जो दूसरे आपके लिए कर सकें।
  • यदि आप किसी अन्य व्यक्ति को कार्य करने के लिए बाध्य करते हैं, तो आप नियंत्रण में हैं।
  • इस प्रक्रिया में अपनी योजनाओं को छोड़ना, अपने प्रतिद्वंद्वी को अपने पास लाने के लिए हमेशा बेहतर होता है।
  • उसे शानदार लाभ के साथ फुसलाओ-फिर हमला करो। आप कार्ड धारण करें।

उदारहण-

  • Thomas Edison ने Nikola Tesla की कंपनी को जनरेटर में सुधार का काम दिया ।
  • Nikola Tesla ने पूरे एक साल तक कठिन परिश्रम करके जनरेटर में ना कि सुधार किया बल्कि बड़े बदलाव किये, Nikola की सारी मेहनत का क्रेडिट Edison को मिला ।
  • Nikola ने रेडिओ का आविष्कार भी किया लेकिन उसका क्रेडिट भी Marconi को मिला,
  • और वैज्ञानिक पद पर रहते हुए निकोला ने बहुत सारे आविष्कार किये पर उसका क्रेडिट उसे कभी नहीं मिला |
  • आपको चाहिए कि आप लोगों से काम लेना सीखें, Nikola की कहानी बताती है कि आप अपने लिए लोगों से काम लेना सीखें और क्रेडिट अपने पास रखें |

शक्ति का नियम 8- दूसरों को अपनी तरफ लायें, जरूरत पड़ने पर चारे का इस्तेमाल करें,

  • जब आप किसी व्यक्ति को अपनी तरफ खीचतें हैं तो उसकी योजनायें असफल हो जाती हैं।
  • LAW 8 अपने आप को ब्लेंड और डरपोक जनता की तुलना में बड़े, अधिक रंगीन, अधिक रहस्यमय दिखने वाले ध्यान के चुंबक बनाएं।
  • आपके लिए काम करने के लिए अधिक समय प्राप्त करें, लेकिन हमेशा अपने स्वयं के कारण को आगे बढ़ाने के लिए अन्य लोगों के ज्ञान, ज्ञान और विरासत का उपयोग करें।
  • न केवल इस तरह की सहायता आपको मूल्यवान समय और ऊर्जा बचाएगी, बल्कि यह आपको दक्षता और गति की एक समान आभा प्रदान करेगी।
  • अंत में आपके सहायकों को भुला दिया जाएगा और आपको याद किया जाएगा।

आपके फैसले को जीत लिया, जब भी आप किसी तर्क से गुजरते हैं,

  • तो आपको लगता है कि तर्क के माध्यम से प्राप्त की गई कोई भी महत्वपूर्ण जीत वास्तव में एक पिरामिड जीत है:
  • जिस आक्रोश और बीमार को आप दिखाएंगे वह अधिक मजबूत होता है और किसी भी विचार के क्षणिक परिवर्तन से अधिक समय तक रहता है।
  • एक शब्द कहे बिना, अपने कार्यों के माध्यम से दूसरों से सहमत होने के लिए आपको प्राप्त करना अधिक शक्तिशाली है।
  • प्रदर्शन करो, अन्वेषण मत करो।

उदाहरण-

  • Ottovon जो कि एक जर्मनी के ताकतवर नेता थे, उन्होंने कहा कि जब वे हिरण को पकड़ने के लिए चारा डालते हैं तो उसे गोली नहीं मारते वल्कि पूरे झुण्ड का इंतज़ार करते हैं|
  • लोगों को शानदार लालच देकर अपनी ओर आकर्षित कर तब आक्रमण करें, उस समय नियंत्रण आपके हाथ में होता है, उन्हें अपनी चाल पर प्रतिक्रिया करने पर मजबूर करें|

सफलता क्या है? What is the definition of success?

शक्ति का नियम 9- लोगों को अपने काम से जीतें,

  • तर्क से नहीं अगर आप छोटी छोटी बातों पर लोगों से तर्क करके उन्हें जीतना चाहते हैं तो आप उन्हें नाराज कर देंगे और ये आपको बहुत ही बेबकूफ दिखाता है,
  • अपने से ऊपर बाले या बॉस से कभी तर्क ना करें उन्हें अपने काम से जीतनें की कोशिश करें ।
  • उदारहण- Rom के जनरल Mucianus को जंग लड़ने के लिए एक मजबूत माध्यम चाहिए था,
  • इसके लिए उन्होंने अपने इंजीनियर को जंग के लिए एक मजबूत जहाज बनाने की सलाह दी,
  • लेकिन जहाज की डिजाइन पर इंजीनियर ने एक सही डिजाइन पर Mucianus से तर्क किया ।

तो Mucianus ने अपने इंजीनियर को उसका अनादर करने के कारण मौत की सजा सुना दी।

  • यहाँ पर देखा जाय जो इंजीनियर अपनी जगह विल्कुल ठीक था, आपसे बड़े लोग परवाह नहीं करते कि आप सही हो या गलत, वो अपनी बात मनवाने के लिए किसी भी हद तक जा सकते हैं और किसी को भी नुकसान पहुंचा सकते हैं । इसलिए अपने से बॉस या ऊपर बालों से तर्क ना करें उनके साथ अपनी सहमति जताएं |
Optimal Health - 5b257bac069216b73d1af5b7639ff1e1 third eye law of attraction - Optimal Health - Health Is True Wealth.

शक्ति का नियम 10- दुखी और बदकिस्मत लोगों से दूर रहें,

  • इस तरह के लोग हमेशा आपको नीचे खीचेंगे और ना खुश करेंगे,
  • अगर आप इनके संपर्क में आते हैं तो ये लोग आपको भी अपनी नकारात्मक भावनाओं से प्रभावित कर देंगे ।
  • LAW 10 INFECTION: UNHAPPY और UNLUCKY को प्राप्त करने से आप किसी और की दुखद भावनात्मक स्थिति से मर सकते हैं, जैसे कि रोग संक्रामक होते हैं।
  • आप महसूस कर सकते हैं कि आप डूबते हुए आदमी की मदद कर रहे हैं लेकिन आप केवल अपनी ही आपदा का शिकार हो रहे हैं।
  • दुर्भाग्य कभी-कभी खुद पर दुर्भाग्य खींचता है; वे इसे आप पर आकर्षित करेंगे।
  • खुश और भाग्यशाली के बजाय साथ दें।

उदारहण-

  • उदारहण- Lola Montez की अराजकता और बर्बादी की चाहत ने Bavaria के राजा को मोहित करके उसका पतन कर दिया,
  • शक्तिशाली लोगों को बर्बाद करना ही उसका लक्ष्य था।
  • जो लोग भी उसके संपर्क में रहे वो या तो बर्बाद हो गए या फिर उन्हें समाज से निकाल दिया गया |
  • इस तरह का चरित्र व्यक्ति के अन्दर की अस्थिरता को दर्शाता है,
  • इस तरह के लोगों से बचना चाहिए अगर आप इनकी मदद करेंगे तो आप भी बर्वाद हो जायेंगे |

https://youtu.be/Sw498LKQsGE

सकारात्मक आपकी आंतरिक शक्ति है

Precious Thoughts of Many Great Men

https://optimalhealth.in/secrets-of-success-success-formulas-success-mantras/

https://yeshuafoundation.in/