Happiness is a state of generalized well-being associated with feelings of pleasure, joy, and satisfaction.  Happiness does not necessarily mean freedom from suffering, stress, or negative emotions. Some criteria common to many definitions of happiness include: Feeling satisfied with the direction one’s life is going. Holding oneself in high regard and being forgiving of your mistakes and shortcomings. Here is  TIPS FOR TRUE HAPPINESS- 

  1. Have a sense of purpose.
  2. Maintain healthy relationships.
  3. Live in the present moment.
  4. Practice gratitude. 


1. Have a sense of purpose

  • Having goals and pursuing them with purpose is one of the key ways to increase happiness.


How to Find Your Purpose in Life?

  • If you don’t feel fulfilled by or happy with your life, you may decide to evaluate your life’s purpose.
  • While this can be a challenging self-examination that may lead you to believe that you’ve been living life the “wrong way,”
  • take heart; it’s never too late to begin living the life that you want to live a life that is meaningful and happy.
  • Find your life’s purpose, then take action to implement the kind of life you really want to live.

Evaluating Your Interests

Keep a purpose journal.

  • Journaling is a useful tool for making any changes to your life or your perspective.
  • Create a dedicated journal that will help you write down and explore your thoughts about your life’s purpose, your passions, and your joys.
  • Do not worry about how your writing sounds; this journal is just for you, and no one else will read it.
  • It’s important that you are completely open and honest, not that the writing is particularly good.


Question yourself.

  • To begin assessing your life’s purpose, it’s important to assess what you love to do, what you currently do, and what needs to change to live a more purposeful life.
  • Some questions to consider are:
    1. When have you been happiest in your life?
    2. What has made you truly proud of yourself?
    3. What qualities do you most admire in other people?
    4. How happy do you feel on an everyday basis?
    5. What makes you feel really alive and energized?
    6. If you had one week to live, how would you spend that week?
    7. What “shoulds” are overriding your “want tos”?
    8. If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?
    9. What one change could make your life happier?


Create a list of your interests and passions.

  •  Write down the things that you enjoy spending time doing.
  • These can be related to your work, your personal life, or your home life.
  • They should be things that make you happy, that you really enjoy doing.
  • These are things that you enjoy doing without getting paid to do them, and they are likely things that cause you to lose track of time.

Write down what you love.

  •  The things and people that you love are very important to the quality of your life and how you spend your time.
  •  Acknowledging the things and people that you love can help you focus your passions and your purpose.
  • Focusing on things that you love with your heart, rather than value with reason, can bring you closer to your true passions.
  • If your primary loves are your family, you are unlikely to feel fulfilled if your life is dominated by a career that causes you to spend almost all of your time away from them.


Find your joy.

  •  This is similar to your interests and passions, but finding your joy is a little more focused.
  •  To find your joy, think about what makes you feel blissfully happy.
  • Think about the last time you laughed so hard your sides hurt, or smiled so much that your cheeks were sore.
    1. It can be useful to think about the type of play you most enjoyed as a child.
    2.  Does similar play (or work that mimics that sort of play) bring you a childlike joy?


Use backwards planning.

  • Imagine yourself at 90 years old.
  • Imagine that you are looking back on your life, and you are completely content that you lived a meaningful, wonderful life.
  • And Imagine what the specifics of that life are, then work backwards through time to determine what you need to do by each decade between now and 90 in order to live that complete life.
    1. For example, say that you picture yourself 90 years old, surrounded by great-grandchildren, happily retired after a successful career helping your community, living in your own home with a lot of land.
    2. This tells you that you want to have a family, that you’d like to have a career helping others, and that you would like to live independently in a rural setting.
    3. Your backwards planning could lead you to determine that you should start having children when you are 28, you’d like to find a position as a social worker by 25, and you should maintain your health constantly so that you can continue to live independently in old age.

Don’t listen to social norms.

  • It’s common to think about what others expect from you.
  • Parents, friends and society have certain expectations from us all with good intentions.
  • Social norms might tell you to not start that business, not quit your job or take a pay cut for a less prestigious job.
  • But ultimately you are the only one that can decide what’s right for you.
    1. Think from first principles – what change do you personally want to see in the world if you didn’t care what others thought of you?
    2. Be conscious of what thoughts are your own vs. those passed onto you.
    3. Have you ever thought starting a business is hard?
    4. Or that you can’t make money following your passion?
    5. These are beliefs generally passed down to us that may not be true.
    6. Think to yourself what thoughts are yours vs. what others have told you.


2. Maintain healthy relationships

  • Human beings are wired for connection.
  • Having strong interpersonal relationships with positive people is an important factor for maintaining emotional and mental well-being.

How to Maintain a Relationship?

  • Good relationships don’t just happen, they take work.
  • But as anyone in good relationship will tell you, the work is worth it.
  • Read below to learn what you can do to nurture, grow and maintain a long-term relationship.

Love Them for Who They Are

Do not try to change your partner.

  • Accept that you can only change yourself, not your partner.
  • This is perhaps the hardest but most important tenet of a solid relationship.
  • You should never enter a relationship with the plan to “fix” your partner.
  • You need to accept the fact that your partner may never change, and be okay with that.
  • To do otherwise is a guaranteed way to frustrate yourself and alienate your partner.
  • You may support your partner to make positive changes in their life.
  • But you should never try or need to fundamentally change them.
  • If you cannot accept your partner for who they are, you either need to set boundaries to avoid getting hurt or leave the relationship entirely.
  • Understand that men and women are different.
  • Or for that matter understand that different men and different women are different.
  • Do not unfairly hold your partner up to the standards of an old relationship or of an ideal one.

Do not control your partner.

  •  We all know that violence is not an acceptable way to control partner.
  • But know that using guilt or shame is just as damaging.
  • Guilting or shaming to control your partner is emotional abuse.
  • Do not attempt to control your partner.
  • This is an extension of “Do not try to change your partner” step.
  • If you cannot handle compromise then leave the relationship, do not try to control or change your partner to make it work.

Support their interests.

  • You do not have to share your partner’s every hobby.
  • But you should listen to your partner when they talk about their interests, and give them guilt-free time and space to pursue their interests.

Don’t minimize your partner’s emotions.

  • While not every emotion is desirable (for example anger, resentment, and frustration), they are all normal.
  • If your partner is angry at something, do not criticize them for being angry that cannot be helped.
  • What people are responsible for is how they express their emotions.
  • Anger can be destructive or constructive.
  • You may rightly criticize how emotions are expressed and ask that they be shared in a constructive fashion, but do not critique the emotion itself.
  • Critiquing emotions can lead to your partner feeling guilty, defensive and emotionally withdrawn.
  • A destructive expression of anger is to yell and throw things.
  • A constructive expression of anger is to talk about one’s anger feelings and reach a conclusion.

Example: Do not say “Don’t be mad” or “You shouldn’t be mad”.

  • Telling your partner not to feel something is futile and hinders further communication.
  • Your partner cannot help but be mad.
  • Instead say, “I understand you are angry.
  • Can you tell me calmly why?” and work together through dialogue to get to the root of the problem and come to an agreeable solution.


Be a Good Listener

  • Listen. Don’t just nod your head and say “uh uh” but practice active listening.
  • When practicing active listening you need to ask questions and paraphrase back important points to demonstrate your involvement and interest.
  • You are never done learning about your partner, nor they about you, and learning starts with good listening.
  • A good, deep relationship requires lifelong maintenance and effort, but the effort is worth it for the support, security and love from someone who really knows you

Respect each other.

  • Listen when your partner talks.
  • Respect your partner’s opinion by allowing them to express it in full, even if you disagree.
  • Take the time to really understand your partner’s views by asking questions and attempting to paraphrase what they are saying to you.

Get to the root of problems.

  • Do not simply try to fix the symptoms, but when your partner or you is unhappy take the time to explore and understand what is the source of the problem and fix that.
  • For example if your wife is mad that you spend too much time with the guys and doesn’t want you to go out, you could treat the symptom and just stop ever hanging out with the boys, but this is not a healthy long-term fix.
  • Instead you should explore the numerous reasons why she doesn’t like you spending time with the guys.
  • Ask questions and listen to her without judging to uncover her motivations.
  • You may find that:
    1. A) She is jealous of other women at the bars you go to with the boys. Solution: Change the venue, or invite her to “drop by” and see that nothing unseemly is going on.
    2. B) She thinks you do not like to spend time with her and do not like her. Solution: Schedule regularly quality time with her, and verbally ensure her that you enjoy her company too.
    3. C) She thinks that your hanging out with the boys unfairly burdens her.
  • This is especially true if you have kids, as your hanging out with the boys means that she is on solo baby duty. Solution: Offer to give her a day out with the girls too. And make sure you are not falling behind on household chores when you do go out.


Be Nice

Anger is a waste of time.

  • Your goal in a relationship is to build connections and work through problems together.
  • Being angry may give you a sense of self righteousness, but it does nothing to move a relationship forward to a solution.
  • Let your anger go, even if you are “right”.

Keep your fights clean.

  • In the course of all relationships there will be disagreements.
  • This is normal.
  • But how you handle these disagreements reflects on the health of your relationship.
  • Disagreements are not the time to air every grievance you have ever had.
  • Disagreements are also not the time to “get even” with your partner by hurting them emotionally.
  • And Disagreements are a time to discuss your different views as they relate to the problem at hand and work towards a mutual solution.

Make efforts to establish physical contact.

  • In the early stages of a relationship expressing your love is natural and regular.
  • You can not wait to hold their hand, steal a kiss or more.
  • But after a few years or decades, even the steamiest relationships tends to cool.
  • Hand holding, back rubs, and kisses do not just happen, especially if you have kids.
  • Make time for these things.
  • Make a conscious daily effort to establish loving physical contact with your partner.

Say “Thank you”.

  • Daily express your appreciation for your partner. Even if your partner is just doing their “fair share”, it is still important to thank them.
  • When your husband does the dishes say, “Thanks for doing the dishes”.
  • When your wife puts the kids to bed say, “Thanks for handling the kids tonight.”
  • It seems silly but these little niceties go a long way for making your partner feel appreciated, and feeling appreciated can head off resentment or anger stemming from “not feeling appreciated”

Say “please”.

  • Do not demand from your partner.
  • Ask nicely, even if it is something you expect them to do.
  • Instead of saying “Get the kid juice”, say “Would you please get the kid juice?” Saying “please” changes a demand to a favor and helps establish a respectful cooperative relationship.


3. Live in the present moment

  • Spending too much time ruminating on the past or focusing on the future can contribute to anxiety and general dissatisfaction.

How to Live in the Moment?

  • Living in the moment is not always easy.
  • Sometimes our thoughts are overwhelmed by regrets about past events or anxiety about the future, which can make it hard to enjoy the present.
  • If you are having a hard time living in the moment, there are some simple strategies that may help.
  • There are little things that you can do throughout your day, such as creating a mindfulness cue, learning to meditate, and performing random acts of kindness.
  • Keep reading to learn more about how to live in the moment.

Developing Your Awareness

Start small.

  • While you might be tempted to completely overhaul your lifestyle, it is not necessary to make big changes to start living in the moment.
  • Start by incorporating new habits one at a time.
  • Once you feel like you have mastered a habit, add something else.
  • For example, instead of trying to meditate for 20 minutes per day right away, start by trying to meditate for three minutes per day.
  • Then, increase your time as you become more comfortable with meditation.
  • Walk to work with your phone in your pocket. Do not text or talk on the phone unless it is an emergency.

Notice sensory details about routine activities.

  • Learning to live in the moment can also be a part of your daily routine.
  • You can incorporate mindfulness into your daily routine by deliberately noticing the sensory details of something that you are doing.
  • Focus on the sight, sound, smell, and feel of your daily activities.
  • For example, the next time that you brush your teeth, notice the smell of your toothpaste, the sound of the brush against your teeth, and the way that it feels.

Redirect your mind when it wanders.

  •  It is normal for your mind to wander, but in order to live in the moment, you need to keep your mind focused on the present.
  • When you notice that your mind is wandering, use gentle redirection to focus on the present again.
  • Acknowledge that your mind is wandering without judging yourself for doing so.
  • Don’t get upset at yourself if your mind wanders.
  • It is normal for your mind to wander sometimes.
  • Just accept that you took a little mental vacation and return your focus to the present.

Choose a mindfulness cue.

  • It may be difficult to remember to be mindful when you are very busy.
  • A mindfulness cue, such as a string tied around your wrist, a pen mark on your hand, or a coin in your shoe can help you to remember to be mindful.
  • When you notice the cue, make sure that you take a moment to stop and notice your surroundings.
  • You can also use something more external like making a cup of tea, looking in the mirror, or removing your shoes after work as your cue.
  • After a while, you may begin to ignore the cue because you are used to it.
  • If this happens, change your cue to something else.

Change a routine.

  • You may not be living in the moment because you are too set in your routine.
  • One way that you can become more aware is to change up your routine.
  • You can do something as simple as changing the way that you drive to work, altering the way you introduce yourself, or tweaking a favorite story.
  • Making a small change to one of your routines may be enough to make you more aware of your surroundings.
  • Try taking a different route for your evening walk or add a new ritual to your bedtime routine.


Learn how to meditate.

  • Meditation is a great way to train your brain to live in the moment.
  • As you meditate, you practice noticing your thoughts and simply watching as they go by.
  • Learning to meditate takes time, practice, and guidance, so your best bet is to find a meditation class in your area.
  • If no classes are available in your area, you can also buy CDs that will help you learn how to meditate.
  • To get started with meditation, find a quiet spot and get comfortable.
  • You can either sit in a chair or on a cushion on the floor with your legs crossed.
  • Close your eyes and concentrate on your breathing.
  • As you focus on your breathing, try not to get distracted by your thoughts.
  • Just let them happen and pass by.
  • Without opening your eyes, observe the world around you.
  • Pay attention to how you feel as well.
  • What do you hear?
  • What do you smell?
  • How do you feel?
  • physically?
  • emotionally?
  • Set a gentle timer on your phone so that you know when to stop.
  • You may want to start by meditating for 5 minutes and build up from there.
  • Make sure the people you live with know that you will be meditating and ask them not to disturb you.

Incorporating Mindful Activities

Be grateful for breaks.

  •  Having to wait for something can be irritating, but if you want to live in the moment, you will need to learn how to think about waiting as a good thing.
  • Instead of becoming impatient when you have to wait for something, practice being grateful for the extra time to notice your surroundings.
  • Treat the extra time as a break and appreciate the time.
  • For example, if you have to wait in a long line to purchase your morning coffee, take that time to observe your surroundings.
  • As you do so, think about what you are grateful for in that moment.

Focus on one part of your body.

  • You can learn to be more present by taking time to home in on how you are feeling in one part of your body, such as the soles of your feet.
  • As you repeat the practice of shifting your consciousness to one part of your body, you will learn to be more aware of the present moment.
  • If you find that you are having a hard time being present, close your eyes and focus all of your attention on the soles of your feet.
  • As you do so, think about how the soles of your feet feel against your shoes or on the ground.
  • Notice the curve of your arch, the back of your heel, and the bottoms of your toes.

Smile and laugh more often.

  • Living in the moment can be a challenge if you are in a bad mood or just feeling a little down, but smiling and laughing can make you feel better even you force yourself to smile and laugh.
  • If you find that you are not focused on the present because you feel unhappy, force yourself to smile and laugh a bit.
  • Even if you put on a fake smile and laugh in a goofy way, you should start to feel better right away.


4. Practice gratitude

  • Many people practice gratitude by repeating thankfulness mantras,
  • keeping a gratitude journal, or expressing gratitude toward others on a daily basis.
  1. Finding satisfaction in simple pleasures and in relationships.
  2. Having several areas of fulfillment in life.
  3. Having an optimistic disposition and tending to see the glass as half full.
  4. Viewing setbacks as opportunities.

Practice gratitude.

  • Being grateful helps to bring you to the present moment because you are thinking about what has made you grateful and how that has affected you in the here and now.
  • Gratitude can also help you to remember good things in life or gifts.
  •  Practice being thankful for who you are, how you are feeling in the moment, and for loved ones such as friends, family, or pets.
  • Throughout the day, take a moment to remember something you are thankful for.
  • You can speak or even write down your gratitude to reinforce it.
  • For example, you might say or write, “I am so thankful the sun is out today; it’s beautiful!”
  • or “I am so thankful for my caring family; they make me feel so special.”

Do kind things for others.

  • Performing random acts of kindness can help you to live in the moment by refocusing your attention on what’s happening in front of you.
  • Look for small things that you can do to demonstrate kindness to others.
  • The kind acts that you perform will help you to slow down and notice your surroundings.
  • For example, you could offer a compliment to a stranger such as, “I love your dress! It is so beautiful.”
  • Look for ways to show kindness in whatever situation you are in.
  • Even something as simple as smiling and nodding at people throughout the day might help to brighten someone’s day and keep you focused on the present.

Health & Wellness Shirish P. Sebastian | winningTeam |(Part_3/3)आयुर्वेदिकपोषण

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